The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Owing to problems which a growing population of overweight people cause to the
health
Use synonyms
care system. It is thought that the key to solving
this
Linking Words
issue is to provide physical lessons at
school
Use synonyms
for students and I entirely support
this
Linking Words
idea.
However
Linking Words
, there is
also
Linking Words
an acceptable solution which is diet and it is the way out of being overweight. Increasing sports and activities at
school
Use synonyms
is very crucial nowadays to reduce obesity and create a new generation who are interested in fitness.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will develop vital habits for students which is important for their
health
Use synonyms
and maintaining reasonable weight.At the moment the average child in the world does sport twice a week which is not enough to counteract their
otherwise
Linking Words
sedentary lifestyle that comes from sitting a long time at a desk for their lessons.By doing more exercise and possibly extracurricular activities at
school
Use synonyms
undoubtedly they will become more fitter and active.
Moreover
Linking Words
, students must be taught at
school
Use synonyms
what constitutes healthy
food
Use synonyms
in enhancing our mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as keeping our concentration at a high level and strengthening our bones. There is another way to enhance their
health
Use synonyms
which is
school
Use synonyms
to make a plan for providing healthy and clean
food
Use synonyms
and make fast
food
Use synonyms
meals forbidden at
school
Use synonyms
, in
this
Linking Words
way , children will be more committed to bringing with them fruits and vegetables.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments have to impose a tax on fast
food
Use synonyms
in order to make people avoid buying it and
as well as
Linking Words
reduce the prices of healthy and beneficial
food
Use synonyms
in supermarkets. In conclusion , the main two solutions to reduce obesity and create a healthy generation who focus on what they eat are , practising sports at
school
Use synonyms
and must
also
Linking Words
include encouraging healthier diets by changing the price targeting a specific kind of
food
Use synonyms
in markets.
Submitted by fatmalfarsi09 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure a smoother flow between some sections of the essay for better readability. Use linking words or phrases where needed.
task achievement
Consider expanding on specific examples to further support your argument, adding more detail to illustrate your points.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the question prompt, addressing both physical education and dietary changes.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively structured the essay with a clear introduction, several developed points, and a conclusion that ties into your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Main points are logically structured, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: