IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the government is responsible for crime prevention. Others think that it is an individual's responsibility to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that
crime
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prevention
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 is a major concern for societies across the globe. Some people believe that
governments
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 should take full responsibility for preventing
crime
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,
while
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 others argue that
individuals
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 must protect themselves. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both perspectives. Those who support the idea that
governments
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 are responsible for
crime
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prevention
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 provide some reasons to justify their view. One of the most apparent reasons is that authorities have the power and resources to enforce laws and maintain public
safety
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. To illustrate,
governments
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 can establish police forces, implement strict legal systems, and invest in surveillance or
crime
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prevention
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 programmes.
For instance
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, effective law enforcement and fair legal systems can deter criminal behaviour and reduce
crime
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 rates, which ensures
safety
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 for the entire population. Those who disagree with the above idea
also
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 have some points that should not be overlooked. One major reason is that
individuals
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 play a crucial role in protecting themselves and reducing opportunities for
crime
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. To clarify, people can take personal precautions
such
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 as securing their homes, being aware of their surroundings, and avoiding risky situations.
For example
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, installing security systems or practising online
safety
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 can help prevent theft and cybercrime.
This
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 suggests that individual responsibility complements government efforts. To recapitulate, it is evident that some people believe
governments
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 should be responsible for
crime
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prevention
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due to
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 their authority and resources,
while
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 others emphasise the role of
individuals
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 in protecting themselves. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that
although
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individuals
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 should take basic precautions,
governments
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 must play the primary role in ensuring public
safety
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 through effective laws and enforcement.

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task response
Make your opinion more clear in the body, not only in the end.
task response
Add one more strong and real example to make your ideas more full.
task response
Some ideas are a bit general. Explain why they matter in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but some link words are used in a fixed way. Try to vary them.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences have the same pattern. Mix short and long sentences for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear point, which is good, but you can develop each point a little more.
task response
You answered all parts of the question and gave your opinion clearly in the conclusion.
task response
Your main ideas stay on topic and are easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well ordered and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples in both body paragraphs, which helps support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsible for crime prevention
  • legislative power
  • trained personnel
  • public institutions
  • police force
  • judiciary
  • correctional facilities
  • maintain law and order
  • public good
  • personal accountability
  • self-defense measures
  • security systems
  • vigilant
  • community watch programs
  • education on personal security
  • empower individuals
  • reduce the risk of becoming victims of crime
  • synergistic approach
  • robust governmental measures
  • proactive steps
  • collaborative approach
  • foundation of security
  • aware and prepared citizenry
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