IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Cities are now expanding; should the government make a better network for public transport or should they build more roads to facilitate car ownership? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#cities #government #network #transport #roads #car #ownership
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary day and age, there is a war of words regarding the belief that the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
boost of metropolitan area authority should increase
frequency
Add an article
the frequency
show examples
 of shared transport or construct
roads
Use synonyms
 for personal vehicles. which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that extending public conveyance is beneficial
while
Linking Words
 others reject
this
Linking Words
 notion. The substantial influence of
this
Linking Words
 trend has sparked controversy over
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 potential impact in recent years. In my opinion,
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 proposition appears to be more rational.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
further
Linking Words
 on my personal perspective
thus
Linking Words
 leading to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
Linking Words
, I completely welcome the statement that improving public transport frequency is typically more affordable than owning and maintaining
a private vehicles
Correct the article-noun agreement
a private vehicle
private vehicles
show examples
, where it increases jobs, businesses and services fostering economic activity. Another striking benefit in
this
Linking Words
 regard is that well-planned transit systems are more adaptable to extreme weather events and help cities build climate resilience. Categorically it can not be ignored that building and operating transit systems generates employment opportunities. On second thought, a couple of reasons drive me to consider the opposite notion as well, Expanding road networks can alleviate bottlenecks and reduce travel times, especially in high-traffic areas.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
roads
Use synonyms
 provide alternative routes, distributing traffic more evenly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Better
roads
Use synonyms
 facilitate the efficient movement of goods, reducing logistics costs and supporting local businesses. To recapitulate,
according to
Linking Words
 the arguments and aforementioned, one can reach the conclusion that the benefits of increasing the network for public transport or building more
roads
Use synonyms
 for personal vehicles are in equal position.
Submitted by vairag4u on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly reflects the stance you will be arguing throughout the essay. While you state that you agree with the former proposition, it would be beneficial to solidify this position with a more consistent argument in the following paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Work on crafting more structured paragraphs, each with a clear central idea that directly supports your stance. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples or data to strengthen the arguments, making your essay more convincing and aligned with the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Although your points are relevant, avoid using too many synonyms interchangeably. Focus on ensuring that the language directly supports the clarity and precision of your argument.
task achievement
The essay attempts to balance both perspectives, trying to find a middle ground, which provides a comprehensive view of the issue.
coherence cohesion
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic and provides a balanced overview.
introduction conclusion
The introduction sets the stage for discussing the complexities of the topic, leading the reader into your main arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: