The solution to overcome the overpopulation is the education. What extent do you agree or disagree

Population growth has become a serious problem on earth
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
some people believe
this
could be erased by spreading information through
education
Replace the word
educating
show examples
people. I totally disagree with
this
point
due to
a few reasons which will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs with some relevant explanations in brief.
To begin
with Healthcare systems, doctors can guide to women the side effects of having more babies by providing more information with solutions. Using protection
while
making physical reactions is essential because
this
is one solution which may help to overcome overpopulation.
Also
, professional Healthcare departments can be aware of local people by organising campus, in which they can show videos, pictures, and some real examples of
this
issue. Some individuals do not have any idea what are the causes of more children, but by attending
this
awareness campus they will think twice.
As a result
,
this
step will have a positive effect on the economy of the country as the burden on local authorities may be reduced.
Furthermore
, the government play an integral role
due to
some factors. Lawmakers can introduce child policy
according to
the
overall
birth rate of the nation which may help to mitigate
this
problem.
For example
, a few years ago, the Chinese government made a rule of one child policy which was followed by the citizens of China and they overcame overpopulation. No doubt,
education
has become a part of everyone's life because teachers teach children everything
an
Change preposition
at an
show examples
appropriate age about family planning and sex
education
. In their
further
life, they will follow what they learn about the causes and benefits of overpopulation. In conclusion, there are other factors which can make a little participation to save the earth than
education
because is only for making successful life of children not for educating about sex. So, government and Healthcare systems should come first to solve
this
burning issue by taking reasonable steps.
Submitted by harmandeep51075 on

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task response
Your essay starts with a clear statement of your position, which is good. However, your argument could benefit from a more thorough explanation. While you give some examples and reasons, these are not fully explored or backed by sufficient evidence.
task response
You should aim to develop your ideas further. For instance, you may discuss the role of education in greater depth and perhaps counter potential arguments in favour of its importance in solving overpopulation. This will show a more complete response to the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas can be improved for better flow. Use linking words and phrases to ensure your ideas connect smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point, which you will discuss in that paragraph. This can help in guiding the reader through your argument and making your essay more cohesive.
coherence and cohesion
Some of your sentences are too complex or awkwardly phrased, which can affect the overall readability. Aim for clarity and simplicity in your writing.
task response
Your introduction effectively outlines your position on the issue and what will be covered in the essay.
task response
You provided specific examples, like the one-child policy in China, to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your main points well and reinforces your argument.

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