IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is a good idea to have large public spaces in towns and cities such as parks and squares. Do you agree or disagree? Why?

In recent years, a debate has arisen over whether the government should allocate money to build public
spaces
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such
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 as parks and
squares
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 in urban areas.
While
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 some claim that
this
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 is a waste of financial resources, I am a proponent of the view that public
spaces
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 play a crucial role in improving the mental and physical health of residents, improving air quality and strengthening social bonds.
This
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 essay agrees with the view that public
spaces
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 are essential for modern life.
To begin
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 with, there is a myriad of benefits to public
spaces
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.
Initially
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,
this
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 allows
city
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 dwellers to reduce stress.
For example
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, Astana municipality developed a botanic park which features a pond with fountains and three bridges, creating a sense of being in the middle of nature which fosters people to avoid daily stress.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 place offers not only various outdoor activities
such
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 as running and jogging but
also
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 improving air quality, leading to a healthy lifestyle.
Secondly
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, constructing town
squares
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 is essential for creating social bonds. These places are frequently used for performing public events.
For instance
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, the EXPO International Exhibition Center in Astana serves as a gathering point for
city
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 dwellers during the Nauryz festival , the arrival of spring and the traditional Eastern New Year.
In addition
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, public parks and
squares
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 can enhance the aesthetic appeal of a
city
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, making it more attractive to tourists and potential investors, and bringing financial benefits to local businesses. In conclusion,
although
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 some claim that investing in public
spaces
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 is a waste of financial resources, public
spaces
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such
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 as parks and
squares
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 are indispensable elements of modern urban life as they provide significant benefits, including stress reduction, improved physical and mental health, enhanced air quality, and strengthened social bonds.
In addition
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, they serve as venues for cultural events, improve the
city
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's visual appeal, and contribute to economic growth by attracting tourists and investors.
Therefore
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, I entirely agree with the view that the government should allocate funds to developing public
spaces
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure transitions between ideas are clear to improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Further elaborate on the connection between public spaces and economic growth for a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured introduction and conclusion, succinctly summarizing the argument and reinforcing your viewpoint.
task achievement
You have included specific examples like the Astana botanic park and EXPO International Exhibition Center, which effectively support your points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban planning
  • community engagement
  • mental well-being
  • physical activity
  • social interactions
  • aesthetic appeal
  • biodiversity
  • urban congestion
  • air quality
  • communal activities
  • environmental benefits
  • green spaces
  • urban heat islands
  • sense of belonging
  • tourism appeal
What to do next:
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