Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, many
people
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have used social networking sites as a source of communication between companies, friends, and individuals. Some
people
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think that sites
such
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as Facebook have a huge negative impact on individuals and society. I disagree with
this
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perspective for two reasons. SNS provided a lot more enjoyable content to
people
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. Before these kinds of applications or internet sites, We could only receive
information
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through TV news or newspapers. And I think network services made our lives more convenient compared to
this
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one-way type of
information
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provision
due to
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less restriction in time and space.
In addition
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, we could easily debate with
people
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and share each other's thoughts.
Secondly
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, we
also
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can be an
information
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provider
also
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known as "
prosumer
Fix the agreement mistake
prosumers
show examples
" thanks to two-way communication. We don't have to spend large amounts of money to commerce products or take a lot of time to let our friends know the fact that we passed your university,
for example
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.
People
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consider
this
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perspective as a double-edged sword. But I don't think that way because we can cross-check the facts or rumours about events from official accounts. To summarise, I strongly disagree that social networking services negatively to our lives because they make us communicate more efficiently and allow us to be
information
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givers.
Submitted by ihjung2000 on

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task achievement
Expand the examples and explanations a bit further to increase clarity and support for your arguments. Provide more detailed examples that highlight the impact of social networking sites on communication or innovation.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a clearer distinction between introductory and concluding sections. The conclusion could reiterate the main points briefly for emphasis and add a final thought or future prediction to leave a lasting impression.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, following a logical progression.
task achievement
You present two main arguments supporting the positive impact of social networking sites, making your position clear.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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