IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and ,are comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and ,are comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts illustrate the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the online shopping
sales
Use synonyms
 for retail
sectores
Correct your spelling
sectors
stores
 in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that between both years there have been changes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the statistics, because over the years the number of clients
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 film/music and books stores
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 increased.
Also
Linking Words
, but in
negative
Change the article
a negative
show examples
 way,
travel
Use synonyms
 and
clothe
Correct subject-verb agreement
clothes
show examples
 shops have had a decrease
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, we can see that in 2003
travel
Use synonyms
 stores were leading the market, but in 2013 movie/music has taken the lead.
Also
Linking Words
, the other two categories
also
Linking Words
 invested their
sales
Use synonyms
 percentage between those two years. The increase and
decreas
Correct your spelling
decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
evey cathegory
Correct your spelling
every category
 was: for books, +3%; for film/music, +12%; for clothes, -8%; and for
travel
Use synonyms
, -7%. After taking all the details, we can conclude that
travel
Use synonyms
 stores have dominated the market, unlike
clothe
Correct subject-verb agreement
clothes
show examples
 shops that are the ones with the lower percentage of
sales
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, travel with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Market share
  • Distribution
  • Retail sector
  • Consumer preferences
  • Growth/decline
  • Trend
  • Technological advancements
  • e-commerce
  • Comparison
  • Percentage
  • Online shopping sales
  • Sectoral shifts
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