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Band 6.5

Nowadays an increasing number of people are changing their careers during their working life period. what are the reasons behind this trend? it generally positive or negative trend?

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In recent times
individuals
Use synonyms
 making changes in their occupation
while
Linking Words
 still in active service have increased
due to
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 the
fact
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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quest to earn
better
Add an article
a better
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 paycheck,
on the contrary
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,
this
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 move has fewer benefits and more drawbacks as
individuals
Use synonyms
 might lack adequate skill in the new profession. These days
individuals
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 are moving from one occupation to another owing to the
fact
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 that of earning better pay.
In other words
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, people leave less lucrative ones, and they take up that which will fetch them more funds.
This
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 is done in other that they meet their financial obligations.
For instance
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, my cousin, who read English education at the university, switched to information technology in light of the
fact
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 that the pay is higher,
thus
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, abandoning his certificate in English education.
Therefore
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, the quest to earn more money could make one leave one career path for another.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 changing occupation trend generally has more downsides than upsides.
This
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 is owing to the
fact
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 that people do not have abundant knowledge in the field, and it could hinder their efficiency. Meaning
individuals
Use synonyms
 would have to learn on the job to become efficient.
For example
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, an individual who studied Arts at the university, but decided to take up a job in a bank because of better pay would ought to start learning the process involved in banking, and
this
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 can impair productivity.
consequently
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, the drawbacks of changing careers are more than the benefits. In conclusion, the quest to earn more money propels people to change their career paths whilst in active service. On the whole, it seems that the drawback aspects of
this
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 trend outweigh the beneficial ones, as these
individuals
Use synonyms
 understand little or nothing about the profession they are venturing into.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider expanding on the reasons behind career changes to cover a wider variety of motivations. This will provide a more comprehensive response to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. This will create a more logical flow of information.
introduction conclusion present
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a conclusion that ties the arguments together.
clear comprehensive ideas
A clear main point is established about the financial motivations behind career changes.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career transition
  • technological advancements
  • globalization
  • job dissatisfaction
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • lifelong learning
  • continuous education
  • work-life balance
  • health concerns
  • job satisfaction
  • skill diversification
  • versatile
  • employable
  • enhanced creativity
  • financial instability
  • job insecurity
  • stress and uncertainty
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