IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others claim that they should have the freedom to choose their favourite activities. Discuss both views and present your opinion

It is argued that establishments must disallow harmful leisure activities,
while
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 others argue that people should be free to choose their most liked activities.
Although
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 engaging in unsafe sports would increase the incidence of casualties, I believe that individuals must be given the opportunity to play their favourite sports, as it leads to fulfilment. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,it is evident that playing potentially harmful outdoor activities would lead to accidents.
This
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 implies that there is a higher possibility of people getting head injuries. It should be noted that the resultant injuries
then
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 have a detrimental effect on people’s lives. Research shows that a majority of relay racers end up getting injured, and the life-threatening scenario leaves them crippled for life.
Secondly
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, the recovery is extremely slow and involves expensive treatments.
This
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 shows the significance of the discontinuity of unsafe sports.
On the other hand
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, the ability to participate in an activity of personal preference promises a fulfilling experience.
In other words
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,when an athlete favours playing a particular sport,it boosts their confidence. It is worth noting that by adopting
this
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 approach, many excel to become famous sportsmen.
For instance
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, the famous Pakistani cricketer Waqar Younis polished his bowling technique through practice sessions in his own neighbourhood.
Moreover
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, many sportsmen achieve global recognition by refining their innate talent in their area of interest. Considering
this
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, when players are given the liberty to choose their preferred pursuits, they positively impact both the individual and society, which I believe plays a crucial role.
To conclude
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,
although
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 athletics might lead to unlikely consequences, it seems to me that in order to promote the well-being of the individual and society, it is more appropriate if people are permitted to decide.

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task response
State your view clearly in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
coherence
Each paragraph should hold one main idea with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Use more concrete and specific examples to back up your points.
coherence
Use linking words to show contrast and flow between ideas.
structure
The writer shows both sides of the issue.
argument
A clear personal view is given at the end.
summary
The conclusion ties back to the topic.
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