IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people think that the government should spend money to explore the outer space, while others believe that it’s a waste of public money. Discuss both views and include your own opinion.

#people #government #money #space #it’s #waste
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The
money
Use synonyms
 spent on going to outer space is surely incredible.
While
Linking Words
 the government has already planned to do that, there is an argument about whether it is necessary or just a waste of
people
Use synonyms
's
money
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will highlight the reasons behind both views and give my perspective
further
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. On the one hand, a journey to another planet is indeed a visionary and important development of human knowledge. The earth, the place where we live right now is becoming more unhealthy, there have been many unusual activities in many parts of the world
such
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 as natural disasters,
as well as
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, global warming.
For example
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, our
last
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 expedition to Mars brings us hopes and chances that we can possibly migrate and live there. It can be a new place for the human being to start a new life.
On the other hand
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, it costs us plenty of
money
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. Meanwhile, there are many problems that should be taken care of
instead
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 of doing an activity with uncertain results.
For instance
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, poverty and famine still exist in some countries.
People
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 in Africa still experience food scarcity
due to
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 the poorness. The
money
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 we try to spend on exploring outer space can be allocated the
people
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 in need. Ultimately, I agree that there is an urgency to find a new home for us by going to outer space. But, the government should be wiser because the
money
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that is
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 spent on exploration is the
people
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's
money
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. It should be given back to the
people
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, especially to the
people
Use synonyms
 in need.
Submitted by josepharie31 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to fully develop your main points with clear and detailed explanations or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure all ideas flow smoothly and logically. Work on improving transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
You used an effective introduction and conclusion that clearly restate your main ideas.
Task Achievement
Your essay discusses both views on the topic and provides a balanced perspective with your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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