IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 word

#people #success #career #education #word
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In the present generation, the majority of people think that success is only achieved through their
career
Use synonyms
 or education. But for some their achievement definition might be different.
Therefore
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, I would like to explain it through
this
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 easy different point of view.
Firstly
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, each person has their own personal goals in life and they try to attain them as soon as possible. Most may be to try to
career
Use synonyms
 and their education.
That is
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 because the sole purpose is to have higher monetary gains and live a comfortable life.
For instance
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, my brother has worked extremely hard to get into a top-notch university to study MBBS and he is a doctor today.
This
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 gave him a sense of fulfilment in his
career
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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, for others success may mean being happy, following a passion or hobby, and making an impact on society or themselves. One can find
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
joy in cooking, learning
a new skills
Correct the article-noun agreement
new skills
a new skill
show examples
, joining a cause for
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
 change or maybe in a hobby
such
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 as sports.
For example
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, Virat Kholi a well-known Indian cricketer starts to play cricket after 5 years.
Due to
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 training, he has not completed his education yet he is known to be world famous for his high performance achievements with a 250 million net worth.
To conclude
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, for each person success can be different each person. But the ultimate goal for most people is to gain fame, money, happiness,
Career
Use synonyms
 growth, Personal fulfilment and self-satisfaction with the help of academic excellence or a
career
Use synonyms
 in any field they are working in.
Submitted by mayuri_3006 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task. In this instance, consider explaining your personal view of success more clearly.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more fully. Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay with clear logical progression. This will improve the logical structure and make your argument easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the writer's standpoint on the topic.
Task Achievement
The essay provides relevant examples that enhance the explanation of success. These examples help to clarify your points effectively.
Task Achievement
You provide insights into different perspectives of success, which adds depth to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial prosperity
  • Job stability
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Happiness
  • Career growth
  • Work-life balance
  • Professional life
  • Personal commitments
  • Academic excellence
  • Prestigious institutions
  • Societal contributions
  • Positive impact
  • Overcoming adversity
  • Personal goals
  • Self-awareness
  • Passion or hobby
  • Quality time
  • Salary
  • Promotions
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