IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree

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There are numerous
factors
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 that drive our motivation to
work
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 for the same
company
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 for a long time period. Whilst proponents of
this
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 notion believe that finance is the main reason that anchors employees at
work
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, others share an opposing view by claiming that the number of
factors
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 that influence an
employee
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 to be loyal is far more than one. It is my contention that despite there are many points that can leave a significant impact on
individuals
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' lives, one of them can be elicited depending on the conditions. First and foremost, I think the most important
factors
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 that assist
individuals
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 to be part of a
company
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 originate from different hygiene
factors
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such
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 as
work
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environment
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,
employee
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 benefits and future prospects. To exemplify
this
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 statement, a person can still submit a resignation letter even though he/she makes a significant amount of money
due to
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factors
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 like a toxic
environment
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 and a dead-end position.
Furthermore
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, particularly the young generation is motivated by the fulfilment of modern technologies and trends to blend in with the
environment
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.
Moreover
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, money has become a salient factor that impacts
individuals
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' decision to continue their career with a
company
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. A competitive salary not only meets basic needs but
also
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 serves as a tangible recognition of one's skills and knowledge.
However
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, anticipating
employee
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 motivation solely with monetary rewards
falls
Verb problem
is
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 insufficient in persuading them to stay for longer periods.
For instance
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,
individuals
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also
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 seek supplementary benefits
such
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 as business culture and development opportunities at
work
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. The potential for development and professional growth is a powerful motivator, as it aligns with personal aspirations and the desire for self-improvement. In conclusion,
while
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 money is a rudimentary motivator, it is not the sole factor that binds employees to a
company
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. A holistic approach encompassing professional advancement, a nurturing
work
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environment
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, and personal development opportunities is essential for sustained
employee
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 retention.

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task response
To enhance the essay, it's crucial to integrate more specific examples that illustrate your points. While the essay discusses general ideas effectively, providing real-life cases or studies would enhance the relevance and depth of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good command of logical structure, which helps in delivering your arguments in a clear and organized manner. To further improve coherence, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs more fluidly.
task response
In your introduction, clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement to provide a more direct answer to the question. This will enhance the clarity of your stance throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
For a higher score in 'supported main points,' aim to develop each argument with more detailed explanations and examples. Doing so will make your essay more persuasive and informative.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Motivation
  • Stability
  • Career progression
  • Advancement opportunities
  • Work environment
  • Work culture
  • Align with values
  • Benefits
  • Perks
  • Job satisfaction
  • Engaging
  • Challenging
  • Fulfilling
  • Colleagues
  • Relationships
  • Company loyalty
  • Ethos
  • Personal investment
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