IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

#countries #people #population #governments #society
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The question of whether an elderly
population
Use synonyms
 has an optimistic impact on society is worthy of debate. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the senior generation benefits society.
However
Linking Words
, the advantages of having an ageing
population
Use synonyms
 do not always outstrip the disadvantages. Granted, it is difficult to disregard the acumen and the experiences of elderly
people
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. To illustrate, Japan is the epitome of longevity. After the rapid and remarkable industrialization, the
people
Use synonyms
 during that time climbed the ladder of success in investment and business.
As a result
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, they collected their own property and were able to relish the rest of life with abundant profits.
Therefore
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, the government should not have to put extraordinary efforts to bolster the elderly
population
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. Meanwhile, the social reputation of the ageing
people
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 is remembered as a respectful generation and many of the young
people
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 admire them.
However
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, an increasing proportion of the old generation hinders the government from the economic development of the country. Considering that the allocation of funds by the nation is strictly limited, the budgets must be utilized equally for the public.
For instance
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, most elderly
people
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 cannot work for a living which means that the government should buttress them with a significant number of subsidies.
Also
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, if the authorities allocated most of their budgets to
resolve
Wrong verb form
resolving
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 the financial hitches of the elderly, the other parts, like culture and education would be overshadowed. To recapitulate, I concede that the assets from the ageing
population
Use synonyms
 might exist.
Nonetheless
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, the negative effects will surpass the benefits.
Furthermore
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, rational financial management is pivotal for authorities to succeed in
this
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 ever-changing society.
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task achievement
Ensure that your examples directly support your main points. For instance, while the mention of Japan is illustrative, it could be tied more clearly to the main argument.
task achievement
Work on expanding your ideas more comprehensively. Some points were made but not explored fully, reducing the impact of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Further develop the logical connections between sentences and paragraphs to improve flow and clarity. This will enhance the overall effectiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
To boost cohesion, consider using a greater variety of linking words and phrases that clearly signal the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
The introduction clearly sets up the debate and states your position, providing a solid starting point for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your position and main points, giving a clear close to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with distinct paragraphs focusing on different aspects of the argument. This contributes to a clearer and more organized presentation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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