IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Enhance future lifestyle is this a negative or positive development?

#parents #pressure #children #reason #future #lifestyle #development
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In recent years,
parents
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 put a huge stress on their
children
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 to achieve goals to be successful.
This
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 essay will mention the major cause of
this
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 phenomenon and the positive enhancement effect on
children
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's lifestyles in future development. The primary cause for moms and dads put a strain on their offspring to make sure studying well. Nowadays studying is extremely crucial to
have been
Wrong verb form
being
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 successful and
to get
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getting
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 the dream job in the future.
This
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 is the result of the
parents
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 following up on their
children
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 and putting a large pressure on them.
For example
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 ,
a
Change preposition
in a
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study conducted at King Abdulaziz University among the percentage of
children
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 feeling the strain from
parents
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 to achieve aims the results had shown 45% of
children
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suffered
Change the form of the verb
suffering
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 from stress. In the next years, should improve the child's
lifestyle
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 with perfect eating meals and perform exercises. In other terms, the
children
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 and their
parents
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 must be careful about their health status
b
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and
 establish a well-diet program that involves high-containing fibre foods
in addition
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 to a balance between carbohydrates, proteins, and healthy fats in order to enhance
lifestyle
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.
Moreover
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, exercising plays a vital role in decreasing
Correct article usage
a senedantry
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senedantry
Correct your spelling
pedantry
lifestyle
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 which leads to reducing many diseases.
For instance
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, there was a published survey in Makkah newspaper about the effect of a healthy
lifestyle
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 the results showed are decrease of 55% in chronic disorders. In conclusion, today many
parents
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 have been investing in their
children
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 to make them reach to goals with success.
Furthermore
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, enhancements of the
children
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's
lifestyle
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 can decrease many illnesses in the future.
Submitted by khalidhxhd on

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task achievement
Make sure to fully address both parts of the question: reasons for the pressure and whether it is a positive or negative development. Currently, only the reasons are clearly discussed.
task achievement
When discussing future lifestyle benefits, ensure the ideas are directly connected to the pressure parents put on their children. This connection should be clear and explicit.
task achievement
Develop more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. The examples should clearly relate to the points you are making.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a single clear idea that is well-developed and connected to the main topic of the essay. This will improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Clarify transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and ideas within paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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