IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some parts of the world, it is increasingly popular to research the history of one’s own family. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Opinions are divided on whether the increase in tracing one's genealogical roots is beneficial or not. To a certain extent, I agree that
this
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 trend has some negatives,but I would
also
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 argue that researching family trees can
also
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 bring some positives as well. Admittedly, a family history is not always a straightforward narrative. It can be complex and filled with unexpected twists, including untold stories, hidden struggles, and diverse experiences.
For instance
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, many
people
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 trace back to their family tree and
then
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 realise that their ancestors were murderers or wanted
people
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, which may cause them to feel embarrassed or even disown their families.
Therefore
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, it is sometimes detrimental to research one's own family tree.
On the other hand
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, tracing past history is beneficial as it allows
people
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 to find a common tendency of some diseases in their family.
In other words
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,
people
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 are able to be better prepared to reduce the risk of getting some illness as they are more cautious about them when they acknowledge a higher tendency of their family getting a particular health problem.
For instance
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, the examination of the past family record which demonstrated more likelihood of breast cancer has encouraged me to go to a hospital for a regular medical check-up.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 not only allowed me to recognize my current health condition but
also
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 detect a possible sign of the disease at an earlier stage, increasing more chances for cure and survival. In conclusion, researching the past record of the family comprises both merits and demerits.

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conclusion
Consider expanding your conclusion. Currently, it's too brief and doesn't encapsulate all your main points.
coherence
Ensure consistent logical flow by using more connecting phrases and linking words. This will help your essay read more smoothly and improve overall clarity.
task response
Try to provide more balanced arguments between the negative and positive sides to give a comprehensive view of the topic.
task response
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing relevant examples to support your points.
introduction
The introduction sets a clear context and states your position effectively.
supporting points
You have included specific examples, such as the breast cancer example, which helps to clarify and reinforce your points.
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