Many people nowadays spend a large of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, many people discuss that smartphones phone used in a large part of their free time. Opinions are divided as to whether it has benefits to proceed as common rather than giving the negative effects to
overall
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users.
Thus
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,
this
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essay will describe both the advantages and the disadvantages of
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story and provide a conclusion.
To begin
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with, with the rapid development of technology, especially electronic devices, people tend to interested in mobiles than before. They can use it for working, socializing, or learning with one device.
Moreover
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, it has easy access to information, compared to books or libraries, and it will increase dependency on mobile apps for daily tasks.
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, many companies adapt their workflow and communication tools to proceed with phones,
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as producing applications
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or organising schedules.
Consequently
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, they have the potential to perform it on a common basis in their daily lives.
On the other hand
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, these devices reduce interaction between humans, like
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apply
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face-to-face conversation, outdoor activities, or dining at a restaurant.
Furthermore
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, these tools give rise to mental illnesses that they might become dependent on, and cause various social issues.
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, many children focus on their cell phones for long hours,
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of going outside or talking with their families,
hence
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they will have an impact on their emotions and body, which affects their future sociability and health.
To conclude
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,
this
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tool plays a crucial role in our lives. It has huge benefits for various sectors in the world.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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may have negative effects on both physical and mental health, if we are an uncontrolled person.
As a result
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,
this
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should be controlled, particularly children, who cannot make decisions by themselves.

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples to support your ideas. For instance, you mention the impact of smartphones on social interaction, but it could use a stronger, specific example.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and all sentences support that idea. This will help improve the overall clarity of your essay.
coherence
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your opinion on whether this trend is positive or negative at the start.
content
You clearly identify both advantages and disadvantages of smartphone use, which shows a balanced view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Multifunctionality
  • Instant gratification
  • Digital natives
  • Cybersecurity concerns
  • Social isolation
  • Ergonomic issues
  • Technological addiction
  • Virtual communities
  • E-learning
  • Telecommuting
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
  • Mobile applications
  • User interface
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Information overload
  • Carpal tunnel syndrome
  • Procrastination
  • Phubbing (ignoring someone in favor of a mobile phone)
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