IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Introduction Manufactured foods and drinks often contain high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
, posing a major public
health
Use synonyms
 risk. With increasing rates of obesity, diabetes, and related
health
Use synonyms
 issues, there's growing support for making sugary
products
Use synonyms
 pricier to discourage their
consumption
Use synonyms
. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 could encourage healthier eating habits and improve public
health
Use synonyms
.
Health
Use synonyms
 Implications of
Sugar
Use synonyms
Consumption
Use synonyms
 High
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake leads to numerous
health
Use synonyms
 problems. The World
Health
Use synonyms
 Organization points out that it significantly contributes to obesity, type 2 diabetes, and heart diseases.
Sugar
Use synonyms
's addictive nature often results in people consuming more than the recommended amount, worsening these
health
Use synonyms
 issues. By raising the prices of sugary
products
Use synonyms
, we can create a financial deterrent, prompting consumers to choose healthier options. Economic Incentives for Healthier Choices Increasing the cost of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 can effectively promote healthier eating habits. Several countries have already seen positive results from similar measures.
For example
Linking Words
, Mexico's
sugar
Use synonyms
 tax, implemented in 2014, led to a notable drop in sugary drink
consumption
Use synonyms
. Studies revealed a 6% decline in sales during the first year, with continued reductions
thereafter
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 shows that financial barriers can successfully reduce
consumption
Use synonyms
 and encourage healthier choices. Societal Benefits Lowering
sugar
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 benefits not only individual
health
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 reduces the strain on healthcare systems. As diseases related to obesity become more common, healthcare costs soar. By discouraging sugary product
consumption
Use synonyms
 through higher prices, we can potentially lower these costs and better allocate resources to preventive healthcare. Conclusion Raising the prices of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 is a practical approach to addressing
health
Use synonyms
 issues linked to high
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake.
This
Linking Words
 measure can promote healthier eating, reduce diet-related diseases, and enhance public
health
Use synonyms
. Governments and policymakers should consider
this
Linking Words
 strategy as part of broader efforts to build a healthier society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples and data to support your claims about sugar's health impacts globally.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the essay by adding transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the question prompt effectively, focusing on both the economic and health aspects of the topic.
task achievement
The use of the example of Mexico’s sugar tax strengthens the argument and adds credibility.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: