IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is said that a large number of
food
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foods
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 and drinks produced contain high amounts of
sugar
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, which may cause several
health
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 issues. It is suggested that products which are rich
with
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in
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sugar
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 should be more expensive in order to discourage
people
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 from consuming
much
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too much
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sugar
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. The purpose of
this
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 essay is to give an opinion on
this
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 topic and to discuss different sides of
this
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 topic. First of all, the negative
health
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 influence of excessive
sugar
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 consumption is obvious. Most scientists and medics agree that
sugar
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 is one of the biggest
health
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 issue sources in the world.
Sugar
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 overconsumption may lead to numerous dangerous
health
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 conditions, some of which are unable to be fully treated, even with the help of modern medicine.
This
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 includes heart failure, blood vessel weakness, insults, obesity, diabetes and other severe
health
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 issues. By reducing
the
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apply
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sugar
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 consumption,
people
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 are able to protect themselves from numerous
health
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 problems which may significantly improve
the
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their
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 quality of life.
Also
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, it is known that product prices may indeed regulate
people
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’s behaviour and attitude towards certain kinds of food. By making sugary products more expensive, governments will be able to control the amount of
sugar
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 that
people
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 consume.
This
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 way, there would be
less
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fewer
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health
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 issues caused by
sugar
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 overconsumption, as
people
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 tend to avoid spending much money on food and drinks. If
sugar
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will be
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is
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 less available,
people
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 will avoid
the
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apply
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overconsumption and become healthier.
To conclude
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,
this
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 essay agrees with the statement above.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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task achievement
To enhance the task achievement, try adding more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, mentioning a specific study or data that links sugar pricing to consumption rates could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is quite strong, but ensure that each paragraph clearly flows into the next. Consider using transitional phrases more frequently to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, showcasing a clear stance and summary.
task achievement
The essay nicely identifies the health problems associated with sugar consumption and how pricing can affect consumer behavior.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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