IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree?

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In today's modern world,
computers
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 are essential to everyday life. Around the globe,
children
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 often
use
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computers
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 from a very young age. 
While
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children
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 need to engage in various activities, including physical play and social interactions, it is
also
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 beneficial for them to 
use
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 the
computer
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 daily.
This
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 can help them develop critical skills for future success. The basis for my views are personal, academic, and professional. From a personal point of view,
computers
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 are an invaluable resource for helping young people explore the world around them.
For example
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,
children
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 who
use
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 the Internet to satisfy their curiosity about diverse topics are already becoming independent learners. No child with a
computer
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 is ever bored! By starting early in their lives,
children
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 feel totally at ease around
computers
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; they can
also
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 take advantage of the wide range of services
computers
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 provide. From an academic viewpoint,
children
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 have no choice but to master
this
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 technological invention.
For instance
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, when I was in university, students brought their laptops to class to take notes, do research and exchange information. They wrote assignments, created presentations and developed databases.
Children
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 who build early confidence and experience in these abilities are at a distinct advantage over those who have not. From a professional perspective, the
computer
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 has found a permanent place in the workplace. Today, employers still pay to provide
computer
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 training to their employees. Tomorrow, corporations expect prospective job applicants to possess these critical job skills.
Consequently
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, parents who encourage their child to
use
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 the
computer
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 for a reasonable period daily are, in fact, investing in the child's future career. In conclusion, the
computer
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 as a technological tool is not just a passing trend but a permanent fixture in our lives. The sooner
children
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 become
computer
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 literate, the better prepared they will be for the future, which is increasingly digital.

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task achievement
While the essay presents a strong argument that computers are beneficial for children, consider acknowledging more explicitly the potential negative effects and addressing them within your argument to strengthen the balance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each supporting point is distinct. The current overlaps between paragraphs could be addressed by prioritizing different benefits in each section.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the argument well.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are clearly presented with logical flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and support the argument effectively.
task achievement
Each paragraph reinforces the argument of the benefits of computer use, contributing to a strong overall response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
What to do next:
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