Caring for children is important in any society. All parents should be required to take training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Raising a kid is a challenging task in today's society. Since
child
Use synonyms
care is considered significant, it is said that it is essential for parents to take up a training course to raise their
children
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
statement as I believe it would help to gain knowledge about various aspects which are fundamental to bringing up kids. At present, we can find a lot of families wherein both husband and wife choose to work in order to meet the highly increasing living expenditure. In
this
Linking Words
urge to make money, they provide everything from highly nutritious food to the most educative toy to their
children
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but fail to provide their offspring with the basic elements of love and care which plays a crucial role in the
child
Use synonyms
's life. Lack of parental attention not only affects the
child
Use synonyms
's mental health but
also
Linking Words
affects
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family bonding.
This
Linking Words
is one of the significant aspects which can be focused
in
Change preposition
on in
show examples
the childcare training courses that would help the mothers and fathers understand the positive impact of nurturance and love
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their kids' psychological growth.
In addition
Linking Words
, the element of risk is high in
child
Use synonyms
rearing, especially during the stage of infancy. When adequate knowledge is provided to parents with regard to diet, hygiene and precautionary measures, it might help them to be cautious about the potential problems that can put their baby's life at risk.
For instance
Linking Words
, choking is one of the major causes of death in
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
can be avoided if proper technique to tackle
this
Linking Words
issue is taught to parents through
such
Linking Words
training courses.
To conclude
Linking Words
, babies are fragile and must be handled with utmost care. I believe attending childcare training would equip them to cater to the needs of their
children
Use synonyms
effectively.
Submitted by engineerkhushbu97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points, especially regarding the risks and importance of child care training.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure with a clear topic sentence. This will improve the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a well-structured conclusion.
task achievement
Your discussion on the importance of parental attention and its impact on children's psychological growth is well-developed and relevant.
task achievement
The essay covers multiple aspects of the topic, such as the importance of love and the risks involved in child rearing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: