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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enroll in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #university #situation
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In modern times, few countries have experienced the trend of engaging young people with work-based training
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 rather than choosing a university.
This
 is a major trend in most Asian countries which gain easier work
opportunities
 and a huge job shortage in most Western countries as well.
Furthermore
, obtaining experience in the early stage will result in a higher chance of becoming an expert in a short time, In
this
 essay will shed some light on both perspectives of the pros and cons of
this
 matter.
To begin
 with, starting higher education
while
 enrolling in vocational training
as well as
 maintaining
further
 studies will be highly beneficial to everyone around the young generation. Most training
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 are allowed to provide thorough practical education
while
 they are working for them,
this
 option is most common in Southeast Asian societies.
Although
 university-enrolled students could not learn more practical subjects than getting practical knowledge in less period. By the time they graduate and search for
employment
opportunities
, the practical knowledge gained will be surpassed by the greater package.
On the other hand
, these workforces are suitable only across a certain number of fields
such
 as motor mechanical, carpenter, and plumber-related fields and it will not suit healthcare or engineering kind of fields.
Nonetheless
, a significant number of
opportunities
 are available in most Western and European regions for
such
 practical
employment
, since native individuals are engaged more in professional work-related
employment
. In conclusion, work-based training generates multiple benefits for society rather than increasing job-less younger individuals in over the country.
This
 type of method is prodigious about generating new
opportunities
 that increase the stability of the economy and
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the shortage of
employment
opportunities
.
Submitted by keranda.sac on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay to enhance readability. Consider organizing ideas more clearly into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each point is well-supported with specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument. Incorporate concrete examples to illustrate key ideas effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have successfully provided a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points discussed.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the question directly and provides a satisfactory analysis of both advantages and disadvantages, showing a good understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • skill shortages
  • transition
  • practical skills
  • hands-on experience
  • tailored
  • job satisfaction
  • financial burden
  • earn while you learn
  • long-term career advancement
  • academic education
  • critical thinking skills
  • perceived social status
  • labor market
  • flexibility
  • adaptability
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