Zoos should be banned because it is cruel to keep wild animals in captivity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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There is no denying the fact that the main impact of building
zoos
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is debatable.
While
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there is a commonly held belief that
animals
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should live freely in the wild and should not be kept in captivity, there is
also
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an argument that opposite
this
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idea. In my opinion, I think that
zoos
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should not be banned as they provide the perfect environment for the
animals
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which are near extinction. And other benefits that I will discuss in
this
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essay. To start with, some people think that
zoos
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are not the place to keep
animals
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who used to live in the forest hunting and running long distances. Because,no matter how big
zoos
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are well organized and big, the spaces that are made for each species are small compared to their original homes in nature.
Furthermore
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, a number of these
animals
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are used to chase and hunt prey,
whereas
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now their food is placed in their cages directly.
Moreover
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,
this
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will affect their natural behaviour in the future if they are released again in the wild. Another point of view, endangered
animals
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are better to be in
such
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places to ensure their safety.
In addition
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, to avoid gangs from killing them and take advantage of their skins. Especially rare
animals
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.
For example
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, many species underwent extinction
due to
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illegal hunting in previous years. In conclusion, despite people having different views regarding
this
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topic, I believe that putting
animals
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in
zoos
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is considered a reasonable method to protect them,
as well as
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a significant location where people can be educated about these different species.
Submitted by ruaa.fatoohi on

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task achievement
Ensure your arguments are more balanced by providing both advantages and disadvantages of zoos clearly before reaching a conclusion. This will display a more complete response to the task.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve logical flow by using more cohesive devices and transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Provide more supporting points for your main ideas to develop them fully. This could include statistics, quotes, or more detailed explanations.
introduction conclusion
The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives on the topic and states your position.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured with clear paragraphs for different points, which helps the reader follow your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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