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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities has caused many problems at both places. What are the reasons of this problem and how can it be solved?

#movement #people #areas #cities #places
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People's immigration from agricultural places to modern cities makes a big difference for each area. In
this
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 essay, I am going to expose some of the reasons and solutions to
this
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 problem.
First,
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the main reason for leaving people agricultural areas for big cities is to search for education, where they can find a chance to study at a university
that is
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 not present in the farm places.
On the other hand
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, they will be increasingly crowded in a big city, which means a geographic imbalance. So, youths are aware of the importance of following their educational school but they could not understand the effectiveness.
Furthermore
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, providing work opportunities encourages the population to immigrate to another area. Competition among the youth generation will be growing, but sometimes has a bad influence especially if it becomes as jealous of them. Neglected agricultural areas mean a loss of care of the farm which will make a big issue in the planting. The solution is not as easy as some people think, it needs more struggles from the government and the population who live in that area. An effort is to focus on reasons that protect climate change.
For example
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, reduce using their own cars. The government can offer some facilities like in a big city to avoid lots of immigration. Awareness of the youth in the problems makes the solution easier than if they are unaware. In conclusion, Everyone deserves to live anywhere he or she feels suitable or relaxed. But, they are responsible for the environmental changes. The responsibility is divided among each one living in each place.
Submitted by zr.a.r on

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task achievement
For a higher score, provide more specific examples or evidence that clearly illustrate your points about why people move from rural to urban areas.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by using clear transitions between points and further developing each argument to maintain a natural flow.
structure
The essay's structure is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for migration and potential solutions.
task achievement
Efforts to acknowledge both governmental and individual responsibilities are well integrated into your conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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