IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In their advertising business nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. why is it? is it a positive?

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In today’s society, companies often utilize advertisements to highlight that their items are the latest versions in various ways. I believe that
this
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 is a negative development, and
this
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 essay will outline the reasons for my stance. First and foremost, one compelling argument supporting my stance is that
this
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 feature can attract and capture attention from the public, so companies consider that emphasizing it has the likelihood to boost their sales. To illustrate, in Japan, leading automotive industries,
such
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 as Toyota and Honda, renew their advertisements every year, since the state-of-the-art technology incorporated into these vehicles may create desires among
people
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, driving them to purchase products that they might not have considered
otherwise
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.
Therefore
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, advertisements highlighting
this
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 aspect are significantly effective in boosting revenue.
Nevertheless
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, one major concern regarding
this
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 trend is an increase in
overall
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 consumption among individuals.
This
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 is because the more
people
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 encounter appealing ads, the more money they are likely to spend.
Hence
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,
this
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 pattern may raise the
overall
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 waste in society, which is considered detrimental.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 may suffer from addiction to purchasing products appealed to by ads.
For instance
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, especially among young women who are still impressionable,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are more inclined to keep up with the latest fashion, and fashion brand businesses regularly sell new elegant clothing every season, which can lead to addiction.
Therefore
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,
such
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 strategies may negatively influence society, considering the potential risks of addiction and an increase in
overall
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 waste. In conclusion,
while
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 the main reason for
this
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 trend is to develop sales by manipulating individuals’ desires, in my opinion,
this
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 is a negative development, considering the harmful impact on young
people
Use synonyms
 and the potential risk of harming the environment.

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General
Make sure to provide balanced views. Consider addressing both the positive and negative aspects directly in your essay to showcase a comprehensive understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs for better flow. Using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
Introduction
The introduction clearly introduces the topic and clearly defines your stance, which establishes a strong foundation for your argument.
Task Achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to substantiate the point that advertising increases consumption.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay’s main arguments without introducing new information, which provides a strong ending.
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