IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where the did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country #did
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an ongoing debate about whether experts in medical or engineering fields, should be mandatory
occupy
Fix the infinitive
to occupy
show examples
 where they were trained or whether they should be free to choose their workplace. In my point of view, everyone should arbitrarily pursue their career everywhere they want, regardless of their primary training location. On one hand, for several reasons, some argue that professionals should be required to
work
Use synonyms
 in the
country
Use synonyms
 they have been educated.
Firstly
Linking Words
, from their perspectives, training individuals from school to university,
consume
Correct subject-verb agreement
consumes
show examples
 many governmental
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 and
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
,
therefore
Linking Words
 it is not
fairness
Replace the word
fair
show examples
 to let them leave the
country
Use synonyms
 in their productive career time.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 groups of experts in critical fields
such
Linking Words
 as
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
 or engineering leave the
country
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
, governments cannot substitute other doctors or engineers
instead
Linking Words
 of them,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will encounter
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge disaster; the lack of essential specialists
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, others believe that people have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to live and
work
Use synonyms
 everywhere they like provided that they have all
prerequisites
Correct article usage
the prerequisites
show examples
 of that
Use synonyms
work’s
Change noun form
work
show examples
 position. For public budgets that
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 spent
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 training specialists, they have
suggestion
Fix the agreement mistake
suggestions
show examples
.
First,
Linking Words
for those who personally or by private scholarship, pay the cost of their training through academia, there should not be any
hinders
Replace the word
hindrance
show examples
 to
apply
Wrong verb form
applying
show examples
 abroad and
pursuit
Replace the word
pursuing
show examples
 their occupation
elsewhere
Linking Words
.
Second,
Linking Words
individuals who utilize
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
governmental funds in their education or training, can cancel their commitment by
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 money or
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 just the equally years of their free education.
While
Linking Words
, I support the notion of those who
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 freedom
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
workplace
Correct article usage
a workplace
show examples
, I
also
Linking Words
 think the governmental scholarship not only
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 students but
also
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 the residents of that
country
Use synonyms
, thereby free education should not be an obstacle to
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working in
show examples
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 countries.
In addition
Linking Words
, it should
the
Add a missing verb
be the
show examples
 responsibility of governments to examine the rate of professionals’ migration and
in contrast
Linking Words
, take some measures to attract experts from other countries. In conclusion, in my opinion, professionals should have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to pursue their vocational pathways everywhere they select, regardless
which
Change preposition
of which
show examples
 counties they
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 trained
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Submitted by skharratian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While you have addressed both sides of the argument, ensure that your points are equally developed. The argument against mandatory work in the training country could benefit from further examples and clearer reasoning, especially in terms of global mobility and demand for these professions worldwide.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are slightly unclear or awkwardly structured, which might confuse the reader. Try to revise these for clarity and flow.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your work for small grammatical errors and word choices that don't quite fit. For instance, 'arbitrarily' isn't the best fit in this context; 'freely' might work better.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the topic of discussion well, helping to situate your reader.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument fairly, allowing the reader to understand the complexity of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: