SPENDING TIME IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, NOT AS A PART OF HOLIDAY, IS BENEFICIAL FOR ONE’S PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

this

Linking Words

contemporary world, the trend of online interaction has drastically increased. It is true that individuals

are preferring

Wrong verb form

prefer

show examples

to communicate online rather than in person. I personally cite that

this

Linking Words

trend is leading to detrimental effects on society in various ways.

To begin

Linking Words

with, there are numerous reasons behind the negative approach

socializing

Change preposition

to socializing

show examples

online.

Initially

Linking Words

, it makes

people

Use synonyms

lethargic as they have access to it within their comfort zone. To be more precise,

due to

Linking Words

advancements

Change preposition

show examples

technology, there are myriads of social

media

Use synonyms

websites where

people

Use synonyms

can connect within

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

seconds.

For instance

Linking Words

, a website called Bumble has made dating convenient for

people

Use synonyms

as they do not need to leave their

house

Fix the agreement mistake

houses

show examples

for meeting

Change preposition

to meet

show examples

each other.

Thus

Linking Words

, it makes human beings fully dependent on social

media

Use synonyms

, and staying in their comfort which can lead to a vulnerable effect on their lives.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, another reason

Change preposition

for

show examples

using social

media

Use synonyms

for socialization is fraudulent activities. To elaborate, because of the fake accounts and social

media

Use synonyms

scams,

people

Use synonyms

are getting caught in traps of fraud related to money and their personal

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. To exemplify,

according to

Linking Words

a survey conducted by Forbes Magazine, more

that

Correct word choice

than

show examples

70% of

people

Use synonyms

who has encountered

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

online interaction scams.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it has a wide range of negative

effect

Fix the agreement mistake

effects

show examples

human’s

Change noun form

human

show examples

mental health which can cause depression and

leading

Change the form of the verb

lead

show examples

to suicide.

To conclude

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

innovation has both pros and cons, individuals should

aware

Add a missing verb

be aware

show examples

of the consequences of

this

Linking Words

phenomenon. I think that before socializing online with anyone,

people

Use synonyms

should be more active and precise

Change preposition

show examples

their actions.

harmeetkohli31

Jan 11, 2025

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task achievement

Make sure your essay directly addresses the topic given, spending time in another country, and its benefits for personal development. Your current essay discusses online interaction instead.

task achievement

Include examples and explanations relevant to the essay question specific to spending time abroad, such as cultural understanding, language proficiency, and adaptability skills.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your arguments follow a logical order, with clear connections between ideas. Transitions between paragraphs can be smoother.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively sandwiching your main points.

task achievement

You provide several examples and specific details to support your points, although they are off-topic. This demonstrates good writing practice.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

261 words

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SPENDING TIME IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, NOT AS A PART OF HOLIDAY, IS BENEFICIAL FOR ONE’S PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on sustainable living and reducing environmental impact. What are the challenges of adopting a sustainable lifestyle? What practical actions can individuals take to contribute to sustainability?

Throughout the history, people dream to build a perfect society while they haven’t agreed how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make perfect society? How do people do to achieve an ideal society?

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Scientists have been warning for many years about environmental protection and how important it is to limit our personal energy consumption. What are the causes of overconsumption of electricity? How can people be encouraged to use less energy?