IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

16. Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspaper and TV has bad influences, so this kind of information should be restricted on the media. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #description #newspaper #tv #influences #information #media
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It is said by others that advertising is completely successful at convincing the consumer to purchase an item. Certain
people
Use synonyms
 think that advertising is quite general
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
 we pay attention not that long. The following opinions and examples of both views will be discussed below.
First,
Linking Words
one
Use synonyms
 of the most obvious evidence of how campaigns encourage
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 to buy a product is increasing sales. The company normally uses marketing to create a value and existence of their products,
hence
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 the ones will perceive and interest
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
For example
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, the business analyst of Cambridge University revealed that utilizing famous
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 to represent the goods gains a lot of attention from society and leads to the demand. What’s more, social media engagement is
also
Linking Words
one
Use synonyms
 of the indicators
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 how marketing can persuade
people
Use synonyms
 to use things. Reviewing the product in the platforms actually can detail the products which makes it easy to spend money on items.
On the other hand
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, advertisements will not be successful as long as
people
Use synonyms
 don’t need to use
one
Use synonyms
. The campaign might let the population know the brand. If the benefits of buying them
is
Change the verb form
are
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 not reasonable enough, the consumer will not purchase as well. To exemplify,
New
Correct article usage
a New
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 York
Times’
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Times
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 poll stated that 60
percents
Correct your spelling
per cent
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 living in New York City think carefully
of
Change preposition
about
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 the pros and cons of each thing to make sure
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 maximum essences before readily buying them because of the marketing.
In addition
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, Advertisements are common for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays. When the internet can provide the essential sources to create something
instead
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 of purchasing another, commoner tends to spend less money on unnecessary things to collect more pennies during
economic
Add an article
the economic
an economic
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 downturn.
To conclude
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, Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that marketing is completely successful to have someone buy something because of
a
Correct article usage
the
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 huge number of demands on the product and social media interactions among the users.
However
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, others have the idea that advertisements are so regular that no
one
Use synonyms
 will focus on them for long
due to
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 the consideration of the
necessaries
Replace the word
necessity
show examples
 to buy something and allocating the money in daily life.
Submitted by amittawin on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This will enhance the readability of your essay and make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
Provide a balanced view by outlining both sides more comprehensively. Ensure you address the question by making your position clear.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the topic and creates a base for discussing both views.
supported main points
You have included examples to support your ideas, which strengthens your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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