Some people say that if old people spend time and get along with others and excerise every day they will become fit. However, these days older people are usually lonely and do not talk to others which makes them unfit and unhappy. What are the reasons how is can this resolved.

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this

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cutting-edge era, a host of people suppose that if older people communicate more and stay physically active, they will be able to lead a healthy life, but most of them do not.

However

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this

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essay will articulate some reasons and solutions in the following paragraphs. Admittedly, there are myriad reasons for

this

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statement. First and foremost, many citizens are living alone because their children are going to find jobs in migrated cities.

Hence

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, they are alone most of the time.

While

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going out and socializing with neighbours is still possible, almost all older individuals prefer to live alone.

This

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, maybe

due to

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the aching pains that affect everyone with age. Unfortunately, when they move a little, their health deteriorates even more. Despite

this

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, some pensioners believe that they have fulfilled all their duties and have nothing to do.

Nevertheless

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, there are some possible solutions to

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problem.

Firstly

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, the government and private organizations will give jobs to elders.

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benefits both of them because they can stay mentally and socially engaged

while

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putting vast knowledge and experience to good use. To explain, senior citizens are fully experienced and they should be able to use knowledge to their advantage.

For instance

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, they may be involved in social work.

In addition

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, older individuals should have more hobbies to do as gardening.

Thirdly

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, senior people join local clubs with their peers and friends to reduce loneliness. In conclusion, senior citizens lead a sedentary lifestyle mainly

due to

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age-related diseases that restrict their movement.

However

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, it should be done by participating in social work and pursuing hobbies.

Submitted by karanbadwal3233 on Sat Jan 11 2025

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coherence cohesion

Improve the logical connection between ideas. While the essay has a logical structure, at times the transitions between points could be smoother. Use more linking words or phrases to enhance the flow of the essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, but the conclusion could be stronger by summarizing the main points and the proposed solutions a bit more clearly.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when mentioning that older individuals can be employed, give real-world examples of programs or jobs that cater to older demographics.

task achievement

Expand on some points for more comprehensive ideas. For example, when discussing why older people prefer solitude, consider broader societal influences or psychological aspects.

task response

Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the issue and outlines what the essay will cover.

task achievement

You have addressed both the reasons for the problem and potential solutions, which is a balanced approach.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Some people say that if old people spend time and get along with others and excerise every day they will become fit. However, these days older people are usually lonely and do not talk to others which makes them unfit and unhappy. What are the reasons how is can this resolved.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that it is better to work for a large company than a small one. Do you agree or disagree

It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives.

In today's competitive world, many families need both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.