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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the availability of various sweeteners in the USA from 1966 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the availability of various sweeteners in the USA from 1966 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#availability #sweeteners #usa #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph below
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the availability of
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of sweeteners in the USA from 1966 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trend shown by refined cane opposite side of corn
data
Use synonyms
. Refined cane started from
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount and
go
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 down,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 corn
data
Use synonyms
 depict the opposite figure. Looking in more detail, refined cane started with big numbers at 100
pounds
Use synonyms
 in 196, slowly
go
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 down in 1976,
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 slightly dropped until 1986 to 60
pounds
Use synonyms
 and remained steady throughout the period of time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, corn total
data
Use synonyms
 describe
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 number from beginning in 1966 approximately 19
pounds
Use synonyms
, step up significantly to 60
pounds
Use synonyms
 almost in 1986and
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 fluctuation
at the end
Linking Words
 of time.
In addition
Linking Words
,
honey
Correct article usage
the honey
show examples
 and syrups trend describe small gap oscillation consistently from 1966 to 2012.
Moreover
Linking Words
, syrups figure
data
Use synonyms
 become the smallest number among all these
sweeteneers
Correct your spelling
sweeteners
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 of
sweeteneers
Correct your spelling
sweeteners
 that
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
provide
Wrong verb form
provided
show examples
 started
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 130
pounds
Use synonyms
 in 1966
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
climb
Fix the infinitive
to climb
show examples
 to
Correct article usage
the year's
show examples
year's
Change noun form
years
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000 and slowly dropped and
go
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 back to the amount
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 started in 2011.
Submitted by situngkirmeliari on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words data, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "describe" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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