IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

crimes are decreasing due to technological development, agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, the proportion of committed crime is gradually dropping ,
due to
Linking Words
 technological development. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because technology tools
such
Linking Words
 as CCTV cameras and motion
sensors
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
, fingerprints, have a significant impact on the detection of criminals. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss
this
Linking Words
 notion, and drop in my own perspective. On one hand, one of the major
detector
Change to a plural noun
detectors
show examples
 of criminals are CCTV
recorder
Fix the agreement mistake
recorders
show examples
,
as well as
Linking Words
, motion
sensors
Use synonyms
, these advanced tools can act as a deterrent, they ensure that private and public spaces are safe.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these lenses are initiated in every sector whether it is in a house or a company, thereby, it is impossible for a criminal to prevent being caught, to give an example,
this
Linking Words
 photographic device has a core memory where an officer can repeat the tape whether it is for today or a week or a month ago.
Additionally
Linking Words
, motion
sensors
Use synonyms
 can catch a criminal in a simpler manner, because these
sensors
Use synonyms
 set an alarm if someone's breaking in and initiate a silent call to
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 force,
this
Linking Words
 development can enhance safety in the community as a whole.
In addition
Linking Words
, one of the most extravagant
tool
Change to a plural noun
tools
show examples
 for revealing is
fingerprint
Add an article
a fingerprint
the fingerprint
show examples
, a complex manner of tiny lines can provide a personal statement, experiences, and any previous offences,
therefore
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if a criminal has
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 plan to escape, he will be uncovered at the airport,
this
Linking Words
 technology is the most advanced way of solving a crime,
bacause
Correct your spelling
because
 each and every item is held by the
offencer
Correct your spelling
offence
officer
, can and will be an evidence of the convict who issued the wrongdoing. In conclusion, there are two major detectors to ensure safety in the nation, technological development
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 played a crucial role in reducing the rate of crimes with the assistance of both government and individuals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay maintains a logical structure. By organizing your paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details, your argument will be clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear, but the conclusion needs to be more comprehensive and restate your main points more clearly.
task achievement
Elaborate further on your points with more specific examples or evidence. This will strengthen your task achievement.
task achievement
Discuss the link between technology and the reduction in crime rates in more depth to provide a clearer, more comprehensive response.
task achievement
Try to avoid grammatical errors and ambiguous sentences to enhance clarity.
task achievement
The essay covers relevant points about the role of technology in reducing crime with examples like CCTV cameras and motion sensors.
task achievement
You provide a complete response by addressing how technological tools contribute to crime reduction, which effectively meets the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The writing has a clear introduction and you outline your main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: