IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the ‎cities. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this development outweigh its ‎disadvantages?‎

#people #homes #areas #study #work #‎cities #development #‎disadvantages
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Youngsters are leaving their homes
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 village places to study or work in the
cities
Use synonyms
. I believe it to be highly beneficial, not only because of
great
Correct article usage
the great
show examples
 facilities ,but
also
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 because of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 high levels of studies.
However
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, many might think
otherwise
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.
This
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 essay will explore how these mega advantages have the potential to outshine any drawbacks.
Firstly
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, a major benefit associated with
this
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development
Use synonyms
 is brilliant facilities.
As in
Change preposition
In
show examples
 rural
areas
Add a comma
areas,
show examples
 there are not enough public
transportation
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 and
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 which is really necessary
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays.
For example
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, in villages, the education and working places are so far from
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 homes and it is really hard and dangerous to walk alone
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 that much,
in contrast
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, there is no availability of
transportation
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 and network .
As a consequence
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, in
Use synonyms
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 there are
transportation
Use synonyms
 and
networks
Change the noun form
network
show examples
 facilities which
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
show examples
 to travel at
a specific distances
Correct the article-noun agreement
a specific distance
specific distances
show examples
.
Thus
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,
this
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 benefit can clearly overshadow any disadvantage.
Secondly
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, another major merit linked with
this
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development
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 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 high
stages
Change the noun form
stage
show examples
 of work and study . As there are many options in
cities
Use synonyms
 for
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and studies.
For instance
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, in
Use synonyms
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 there are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
British education places from where you get a high level of education which increases your chances
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 getting
appropriate
Add an article
an appropriate
the appropriate
show examples
 job.
Hence
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,
this
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 benefit can
also
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 single-handedly undermine any flaw.
However
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, the only drawback that I can relate
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
 is homesickness.
As it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 is really difficult to survive without your family and have to cook for yourself even when you are not well. To
sumup
Correct your spelling
sum up
, I believe that the advantages of
this
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
 in terms of availability of the
transportation
Use synonyms
 services and good scopes
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 work or study have the potential to outweigh any
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
.
Submitted by nidarif855 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the disadvantages of the topic to provide a more balanced argument.
task achievement
Work on providing clearer and more specific examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction that outlines the main points.
coherence cohesion
Arguments are structured logically, with a clear progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the advantages, reinforcing the main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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