IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Of late, it is believed that students studying in secondary school and high school should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this argument? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#students #school #money #life #skill #argument
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Financial literacy is a crucial skill in the contemporary era, and its importance has been increasingly emphasized in recent years. Some people believe that
money
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 management should be integrated into the
school
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 curriculum. I strongly agree that
schools
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 should provide
students
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 with the opportunity to learn about
money
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 and the issues related to it.
This
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 essay will elaborate on the reasons why I believe teaching financial subjects in
schools
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 is essential. First and foremost, I believe
students
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 should be exposed to essential and applicable
skills
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 during their time in
school
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. One of these critical
skills
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 is
money
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 management.
Schools
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, alongside families, play a key role in shaping
students
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' attitudes towards
money
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,
as well as
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 their abilities in spending, budgeting, and saving. Academic materials are well-structured and effective in conveying these concepts.
Additionally
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, the influence of peers should not be overlooked when it comes to learning life
skills
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 in
school
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. When
students
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 are exposed to various perspectives from their classmates, they are more likely to develop a well-rounded attitude towards
money
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 and financial matters.
Secondly
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, many
students
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 may not have the opportunity to attend higher educational institutions, and
schools
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 provide an ideal setting for them to learn
money
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 management
skills
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 that will be essential throughout their lives.
For example
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, most
students
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, upon graduating from high
school
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, enter the job market, and it is crucial for them to be familiar with the concept of
money
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 and how it plays a role in their lives. In conclusion, financial knowledge is essential for everyone.
Due to
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 the impact of early learning, the influence of peers, and the limited opportunities for financial education outside of
school
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, I strongly believe that financial literacy should be taught during secondary and high
school
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 education.
Submitted by bahare.hatamy on

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task achievement
Consider adding a few more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your points. This will add depth to your arguments and demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is coherent, ensure that each paragraph contains clear topic sentences and that all ideas relate back to the main argument. This helps to maintain a clear focus throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a well-reasoned argument for why financial literacy should be taught in schools.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The use of examples related to job market expectations and peer influence provides concrete support for your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings culture
  • spending wisely
  • financial stability
  • responsibility
  • discipline
  • financial goals
  • long-term financial health
  • digital transactions
  • online banking
  • interest rates
  • investments
  • credit scores
  • debt management
  • academic pressures
  • curriculum balance
  • informed financial decisions
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