Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmentalproblems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

There are some individuals who argue that the most important environmental problem of the century is the extinction of
animals
and
plants
,
while
others believe that the priority of other environmental problems
such
as global warming and
deforestation
is higher. On the one hand, if the number of
animals
and
plants
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
, it could have a negative impact on food and medicine. There is a food cycle in the world of
animals
and
plants
and if the cycle is
distrupted
Correct your spelling
disrupted
by a foreign force,
this
can change the number of
animals
and
plants
dependent on that species which can lead to a change in our diet eventually. Another point is that
,
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apply
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scientists discover many vaccines in animal bodies by studying them. There is a chance that some life-saving vaccines
lies
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lie
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in the bodies of endangered
animals
which can benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity.
However
, I believe that solving other environmental
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
can
sovle
Correct your spelling
solve
these
probelms
Correct your spelling
problems
too.
On the other hand
, paying attention to other environmental problems like global warming and
deforestation
can save not only the lives of humans
,
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apply
show examples
but
also
animals
and
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
. The activities of humankind which
releases
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release
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CO2 emissions into the atmosphere
enhances
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
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global warming which can increase the chance of natural disasters happening more frequently.
Secondly
,
deforestation
can kill
animals
and
plants
. Many loggers cut trees to expand the area
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
people live, not knowing that they are changing the habitat of
animals
though
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
As a result
,
this
can make
animals
intrude on other
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
show examples
territory and create casualties
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
the two groups. In conclusion,
although
the reduction in the number of
animals
and
plants
is a concerning environmental problem, I believe that the consequences of global warming and
deforestation
cannot be ignored which can take the lives of humans,
animals
and
plants
.
Submitted by mohamad.m.sharifi74 on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job in presenting and discussing both sides of the argument. However, try to delve deeper into each point and provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are clearly organized, but there are some areas where the transition between ideas could be smoother. Try using more varied cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay.
general
There are a few spelling and grammar mistakes that need attention (e.g., 'disrupt' instead of 'distrupt', 'problem' instead of 'probelms'). Be sure to proofread your essay to catch these errors.
coherence and cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your essay well. This is a strong point in your writing.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents relevant arguments on both sides of the issue. This shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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