IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that parent should teach children how to be good members of the society .Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss bought of this argument and give your opinion .

In today’s world, raising responsible and respectful
children
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 is an important goal for every
society
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. Some people believe that
parents
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 should take the main role in teaching their
children
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 how to be good members of
society
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,
while
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 others think
this
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 responsibility belongs to
schools
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss
both
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 views and share my own opinion. On one hand,
parents
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 are the first teachers in a child’s life. From an early age,
children
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 observe and learn from their
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parents’
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parent’s
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behavior
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behaviour
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, values, and actions.
Parents
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 spend more time with their
children
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, especially during the early years, and they have a strong emotional bond. They can teach important values
such
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 as honesty, kindness, respect, and responsibility.
For example
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, when
parents
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 teach their
children
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 to say “please” and “thank you,” or to help others, they are shaping their social behavior.
Therefore
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, many people believe that moral education starts at home.
On the other hand
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,
schools
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also
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 play a key role in developing
children
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’s social skills and preparing them to be part of
society
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. At school,
children
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 interact with classmates, follow rules, work in teams, and face different situations. Teachers are trained to guide students and help them understand right from wrong.
In addition
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,
schools
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 often have special lessons on citizenship, ethics, and respect for others. These experiences help
children
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 learn how to behave well in public and become responsible citizens. In my opinion,
both
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parents
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 and
schools
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 share the responsibility of teaching
children
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 to be good members of
society
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.
Parents
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 build the foundation at home,
while
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schools
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 continue
this
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 education through social interaction and structured learning. When
both
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 work together,
children
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 grow up with strong values and good
behavior
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behaviour
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. In conclusion, teaching
children
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 how to be good members of
society
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 requires effort from
both
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parents
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 and
schools
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. A strong partnership between family and education can lead to better outcomes for
children
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 and for the community as a whole.

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task achievement
Consider providing one more specific example to illustrate the importance of school in teaching social responsibilities.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by perhaps using more cohesive devices.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you reinforce the argument in your conclusion with a more pronounced summary of the strengths of both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs that separate the ideas of parents and schools distinctly.
task achievement
Strong argumentation regarding both sides of the debate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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