IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for everyone, including young people to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
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Saving
money
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 is very essential for
people
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’s
future
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as well as
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 the young generation. In my personal opinion, I strongly agree with that statement because saving
money
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 can oppose a high
inflation
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rate
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 and manage unexpected expenditures in the
future
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, especially for young adults. First and foremost,
it is clear that
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 the
inflation
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rate
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 must be overcome by saving more
money
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.
Moreover
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, the
inflation
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rate
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 is relatively growing from time to time because it indicates that the price of the products is increasing.
For example
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, the price of housing has climbed significantly for over 40 years,
hence
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 youngsters without much savings will encounter difficulties in buying a house and choosing to rent it.
Therefore
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, young
people
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 need to save
money
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 to reduce the struggle against the
inflation
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rate
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 which is rising significantly.
On the other hand
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, savings will be one of the possible solutions for everyone to overcome unexpected expenditures in the
future
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 including young adults. It is obviously caused by so much uncertainty in
this
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 world that
people
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 will be faced daily,
hence
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 unexpected moments can happen.
For instance
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, when
people
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 get sick or have an accident and need to be hospitalized, it will cost more
money
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 beyond their daily needs.
Thus
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,
money
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 should be saved for emergency spending that must be useful in the time ahead. In conclusion, budgeting and saving
money
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 are very crucial to youngsters’ bright
future
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 for two main reasons, namely protecting
money
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 against high
inflation
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 rates and mitigating
people
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's emergency spending in the
future
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.
Submitted by handini.yuniarti on

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task achievement
Make sure your thesis statement is as clear as possible in the introduction. It should directly state your opinion without ambiguity.
coherence cohesion
Revisit the second paragraph for minor grammatical inaccuracies. While they don't impede understanding, refining your grammar will perfect your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear, well-structured argument, with each paragraph contributing to the overall response.
coherence cohesion
Each point made is well-supported with examples, enhancing the argument's persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Strong conclusion that summarizes the key points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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