A local school is requesting ideas for renovations. Write to them and include Problems they have now Suggestions to change How they could make these changes

7.0 / 9

Band scoreView breakdown ↓

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to give a series of ideas for renovating the

school

Use synonyms

, which could make it a unique one, not only in the area but

also

Linking Words

in the country.

According to

Linking Words

my observations, the

school

Use synonyms

is facing a wide range of problems. One of the major

issues

Use synonyms

is your educational equipment, which

ais

Correct your spelling

completely outdated. Another significant problem is

school

Use synonyms

utilities, which require replacement in some areas.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the library is really dull, which may negatively affect students. I would suggest replacing computers with new ones. To do that, you can purchase them at affordable prices from the Apple Store located on Green Street on the left side of the Meli Bank.

In addition

Linking Words

, you can

also

Linking Words

install additional lighting in the library to enhance its brightness. To tackle the

school

Use synonyms

utility

issues

Use synonyms

, you can contact AWB Company, which offers professional technicians to fix the

issues

Use synonyms

. To make these changes, I recommend that you hold a meeting with students’ parents and explain the

issues

Use synonyms

, after which you ask them for financial contributions.

This

Linking Words

can reduce financial pressure, and you can renovate the

school

Use synonyms

more efficiently. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you. Mohammadreza Hadavi Bavil

m.hadavi20

Sep 30, 2026

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Give a little more detail about why each change is needed. For example, say how old computers or poor lights affect students’ work.

task response

Be careful with the money plan. Asking all parents for money may not be fair, so add other ways, such as help from local groups or a school fund.

coherence and cohesion

Your ideas are in a clear order: problems, changes, and ways to make them. Use a few more clear links between ideas, such as “For this reason” or “As a result”.

coherence and cohesion

Keep each paragraph focused on one main point. The paragraph about changes has three different ideas, so it could be split into shorter parts.

task response

You cover all parts of the task: current problems, useful changes, and a way to pay for them.

coherence and cohesion

The letter has a clear opening, well-ordered main paragraphs, and a polite ending.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

7 paragraphs

207 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Excessive sugar consumption causes many diseases. Some people think that it is the government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption while others think that it is the individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views
Consuming too much sugary foods may result in the majority of illnesses. While some crowds claim that the government should take action to restrict eating sugar, I agree with those who believe it is people's duty to pay attention to their food and how much sugar they eat.
7.5
band
topic: Write a letter to a company asking for a refund for something you bought from them online. In your letter include: what you bought what the problem is why you want a refund write 150 words atleast in 20 minutes.
I am writing to request a refund for my recent purchase made through your website.
7
band
In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
It is true that a larger proportion of individual finance is spent on improving appearance and resisting ageing. Although reasonable factors lead to this trend, I believe it has overall negative consequences.
6.5
band
Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, the idea of taking a gap year or not when finishing academy is highly debatable, especially for adolescents. The writer of this essay believes that the benefits of enhancing soft skills or gaining new relationships outside schools outweigh the drawbacks of falling behind.
6
band
In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
These days, people can buy food produced around the world in their supermarkets. This trend is so popular and common all over the world. In my opinion, I agree with this point, it is because this is a great trend to promote economic development.

A local school is requesting ideas for renovations. Write to them and include Problems they have now Suggestions to change How they could make these changes

Excessive sugar consumption causes many diseases. Some people think that it is the government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption while others think that it is the individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views

topic: Write a letter to a company asking for a refund for something you bought from them online. In your letter include: what you bought what the problem is why you want a refund write 150 words atleast in 20 minutes.

In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?