IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is said that the amount of violence on TV programmes has negative effects on our social development and therefore should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#amount #violence #tv #programmes #effects #development
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Nowadays, it is undeniable that
TV
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 has various
programs
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 to entertain
society
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,
however
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 not a few of those
programs
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 contain violence which has negative impacts on our
society
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's improvement. I firmly assert that those
programs
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 should be reduced since they can be affected by social welfare.
This
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 essay will examine some of the negative impacts that might be released
due to
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 violence on
TV
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 programmes.
To begin
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 with, Television has a significant role in
society
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, some people watch
TV
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 in their leisure time to relax, to kill boredom, or just for entertainment. research by Influencer 2023, mentioned that about 80% of every home has its own
TV
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. In fact, some
programs
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 give drawbacks to individuals' improvements, some of them make
programs
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 as their assault references practically in real life, which leads to inconvenience in
society
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.
For example
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, action
movies
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 which contain some strategies are very popular and many people like to watch them, in fact, a terrorist can adopt the strategies to compile his/her plan.
Additionally
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, parents usually utilize
movies
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 or
programs
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 as a tool to keep their
children
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 calm, but unfortunately,
children
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 need full control from their parents to consume the
movies
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. If parents are not wise in selecting what kind of
movies
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children
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 should watch, it might lead to the wrong development characters of
children
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.
For instance
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,if a young child at 6 age continues to consume a crime movie for a long time period it will totally impact how the way a child thinks, acts and wants to be in future.
Therefore
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, to reduce crimes in real life,
programs
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 which contain violence should be banned.
To sum up
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, even though commonly people consume
TV
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 programmes as entertainment which bring positive impacts on reducing stress,
however
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, some
programs
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 may trigger some negative attitudes in
society
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 which leads to an increase a crime.
Thus
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, a stack holder should make a good decision and make some regulations regarding releasing a programme to the public.
Submitted by golriiz.azizi1991 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or studies to support your arguments, especially with regard to the impact of violent TV programs.
language use
Improve the precision of your word choice and grammatical accuracy for a more polished essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction that presents the main argument effectively, and a conclusion that neatly summarizes your points.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively by discussing both the potential negative impacts of violent TV programs and suggesting the need for regulation.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure to your essay, moving from discussing general impacts to specific examples, which helps the reader follow your arguments.
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