Some parents believe that they should protect their children from doing any mistakes while others believe they should make mistakes freely. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Raising
children
Use synonyms
is
one
Use synonyms
of the most complicated tasks that has ever been known to mankind. Regarding
this
Linking Words
, some people think
children
Use synonyms
should be protected at all costs from making
mistakes
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
some people believe they should learn from their
mistakes
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss both views and
stands
Correct subject-verb agreement
stand
show examples
with the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
view. On
one
Use synonyms
hand, it is impossible to deny that the young ones are very fragile and can get seriously hurt if not watched properly. So the parents opting for
this
Linking Words
parenting style become overprotective and
as a result
Linking Words
, their
children
Use synonyms
become completely dependent on them.
For example
Linking Words
, my niece is continuously mollycoddled at home and now is lagging behind
children
Use synonyms
of her own age.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
portion of parents think if the young ones are not allowed to make
mistakes
Use synonyms
they are never going to learn the difference between right and wrong.
Case
Correct article usage
A case
show examples
in point
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is my neighbour's daughter who is not constantly watched by her parents and because of
this
Linking Words
, is growing into a very confident and
self dependent
Add a hyphen
self-dependent
show examples
young lady. In my opinion, the second approach is the most effective
one
Use synonyms
. As the saying goes, learning from own
mistakes
Use synonyms
is the best kind of learning. I strongly advocate
this
Linking Words
method because
this
Linking Words
leads to confidence building and great personality development.
However
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
should give advice
time
Change preposition
from time
show examples
to time to their young ones so they don't detour from
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
path. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
should not be mollycoddled and should be given opportunities to learn from their
mistakes
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rubysharma14415 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay presents a balanced view of both perspectives, providing more detailed examples or statistics would strengthen the task achievement further. Consider elaborating on how mistakes help in learning with specific stories or theories if possible.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. The coherence between your arguments is generally clear, but more transitional phrases could help improve this even more.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets up the discussion effectively, and you have a solid conclusion that summarizes your opinion well.
task achievement
The essay maintains a clear position on the issue throughout, providing a comprehensive response to the task.
task achievement
You include relevant examples to support your points, such as the examples of your niece and neighbour's daughter, which help to illustrate the discussed viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overprotection
  • Resilience
  • Adaptability
  • Critical thinking
  • Societal judgment
  • Discipline
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Independence
  • Guidance
  • Balanced approach
  • Fend for themselves
What to do next:
Look at other essays: