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Band 5.5

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child is better for their overall skills development and creativity than reading. to what extent do you agree?

Some people believe that doing an enjoyable activity with a child is the best way of expanding the kid’s skill in comparison with reading.
While
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,
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 I acknowledge that doing an activity in the
form
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 of playing has a crucial role in nurturing several
skills
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, I believe that reading
also
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 has its unique benefits in fostering some essential
skills
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. On the one hand, engaging
children
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 in well-structured and creative
activities
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, in a playing
form
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, is a powerful tool that enriches various aspects of their growth.
Firstly
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,
activities
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such
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 as doing puzzles, building blocks or creating artwork with
kids
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, develop their cognitive
skills
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.
Such
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activities
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 can stimulate young brains and encourage curiosity
,
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while
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 nurturing problem-solving
skills
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, critical thinking, and decision-making.
Secondly
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, cooking or baking collaboratively with
kids
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 can cultivate their social
skills
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 like following instructions and teamwork.
Lastly
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, encouraging
children
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 to do indoor or outdoor sports can expand their physical development.
On the other hand
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, I believe actively reading well-structured
books
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 poses many merits.
For example
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, reading story
books
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 can engage
children
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 in storytelling activity which is a kind of imaginative play. Creating stories, characters and scenarios can promote the creativity and narrative thinking of
kids
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.
In addition
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, reading emotion-themed storybooks that explore different emotions and discuss the characters’ feelings can help
children
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to
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improve emotional regulation by relating those emotions to their own experiences.
Furthermore
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, reading
books
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 for them can improve their active listening
skills
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. In conclusion, playing with
kids
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 whether in the
form
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 of fun
activities
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such
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 as constructing a structure with blocks, collaborating
cooking
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on cooking
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, doing sports or whether in the
form
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 of reading actively
books
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for
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
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, all are far more than just fun and
serve
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serves
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 as
a catalysts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a catalyst
catalysts
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 for developing childhood
overall
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skills
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.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, consider adding a clearer topic sentence at the beginning of each body paragraph to enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Ensure that each example directly supports and illustrates the point you are making in your argument to strengthen your examples.
task achievement
You effectively incorporate a variety of examples (puzzles, cooking, reading storybooks) to support your points, illustrating clear and comprehensive ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured with an introduction and conclusion, which is effective in summarizing your main points and rounding off the argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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