IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discussion both views and give your opinion.

#people #technology #development #decreases #crime #discussion
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In recent times, technological enhancement has had a significant impact on various aspects of life, including the
crime
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 rate.
While
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 some people believe that modern
technology
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 helps reduce
crime
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, others argue that it provides tools for
criminals
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. I believe that
technology
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 plays a crucial role in reducing
crime
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 rates by increasing security measures. On the one hand, there are a lot of devices that help deter criminal activities.
For instance
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, biometric identification like Face ID and sophisticated alarm systems make it more difficult for
criminals
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 to commit crimes without being detected. These technologies not only complicate the actions of
criminals
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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 provide valuable evidence that can lead to their capture. Mainly, many l business centres have adopted these security measures, contributing to a significant reduction in
crime
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 rates.
Therefore
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 ,
this
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 perspective shows that electronic components
is
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are
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 a valuable ally in the fight against
crime
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.
On the other hand
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, some argue that
technology
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 can
also
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 encourage criminal activity. With the advent of advanced tools and widespread access to the Internet,
criminals
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 now have more sophisticated tools to carry out illegal activities.
For example
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, cybercrime has become a significant concern in today’s digital age. Hackers can infiltrate government systems through cyberattacks, steal confidential data, or even disrupt entire economies.
Similarly
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, the dark web provides a hidden platform for illegal transactions, including drug trafficking, human trafficking, and the exchange of stolen goods. That's why crimes are becoming easier and more frequent today. In conclusion,
while
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technology
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 can be abused by
criminals
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, its benefits in enhancing security and reducing traditional forms of
crime
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 are enormous.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using more transitional phrases between paragraphs and ideas to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
In your task response, ensure that you address both views more equally. Your conclusion should restate your opinion more clearly and summarize the main points discussed.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument and presents your opinion upfront.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant examples of how technology can both prevent and encourage crime, which strengthens your essay.
complete response
The essay successfully covers the key components of the task, discussing both perspectives adequately.
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