IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Successful ports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is not fair. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 professionals deserve to sign contracts for millions of
dollors
Correct your spelling
dollars
,
while
Linking Words
 other people think that people who
work
Use synonyms
 in important roles, receive unfair
Use synonyms
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to those who play
sports
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, I feel
sports
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players
Use synonyms
 gain illogical
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
comapring
Correct your spelling
compared
 to those who
work
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 in societal professions, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 both views and give its own opinion.
Sport
Change the noun form
Sports
show examples
players
Use synonyms
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
 more
money
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 nowadays, and they
signing
Wrong verb form
sign
show examples
 deals with clups and advertisements for millions of
dollors
Correct your spelling
dollars
, for a year at least, and most of them
sarted
Correct your spelling
started
 their career as
hobby
Add an article
a hobby
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their childhood ending them
being
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 professional
players
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.
However
Linking Words
 why
all
Add a missing verb
is all
show examples
this
Linking Words
amount
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 of
money
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bening
Correct your spelling
being
 given to these
players
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?.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Pepole
Correct your spelling
People
 tend to
soppurt
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support
 teams and
clups
Correct your spelling
clubs
clips
, so they accept their
players
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 to gain
this
Linking Words
amount
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 of revenue, because of their dedication and unique skills.
Linking Words
Whereas
Correct word choice
On
show examples
on the other hand
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, others believe those who
work
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 professions,
they did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not deserve to gain
this
Linking Words
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with those who
work
Use synonyms
 in sectors
such
Linking Words
 as
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
 or
helthcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
health care
. They think those
contrubuted
Correct your spelling
contributed
 to
deveolp
Correct your spelling
develop
 the nation and they have
sociteal
Correct your spelling
societal
social
 well-being,
while
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professtional
Correct your spelling
professional
players
Use synonyms
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not apply to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
socity
Correct your spelling
society
 anything and they just
entertainnig
Correct your spelling
entertained
 the observers. In my opinion,
sports
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players
Use synonyms
 having high
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
 is illogical, and I think they should receive the same
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 other
professions
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
 and the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 should be
balnced
Correct your spelling
balanced
 between them
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is not fair for
players
Use synonyms
 to have
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 deals because they done nothing to the community
while
Linking Words
 when we see other workers the done everything to the nation.

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task achievement
Ensure your arguments are well-developed and clearly supported with specific examples to strengthen your essay. Consider including examples such as famous sports players and their earnings compared to professionals in other roles.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on improving the clarity of your ideas by organizing your thoughts into distinct paragraphs with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have addressed both views on the topic and provided your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion offering your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • justified
  • entertainment value
  • sponsorships
  • endorsements
  • media rights
  • market dynamics
  • societal well-being
  • financial gain
  • social responsibility
  • economic value
  • recognition
  • financial rewards
  • crucial professions
What to do next:
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