IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that teenagers are happier than adults, but others do not agree. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, reasons
of
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for
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happiness
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 vary among different age groups.
Although
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 one section of society believes that
teenagers
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 are more happy when compared to
adults
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, others do not agree with
this
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 statement. My perspective, I am in favour of the former viewpoint, yet I will be shedding light on both notions. To start with, many people think that young people are happier than
adults
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 mainly because they do not have high responsibilities. First and foremost, adolescents have fewer tasks that need to be completed by the end of the day
along with
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 very less duties towards their families and work. To elaborate
further
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, the younger generation often lives with their families, and they do not have to worry about paying bills, managing mortgages and career responsibilities. To cite an example, a teenager's primary focus might be on their studies rather than financial pressures.
Thus
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,
for
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this
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 reason, I believe that
happiness
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 is more commonly seen in
teenagers
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.
On the other hand
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, opponents think
adults
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 are more content. Primarily,
adults
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 are emotionally very mature individuals. In greater detail,
this
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 emotional maturity allows
adults
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 to manage and build stronger relationships
For instance
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, an adult might have a close group of friends who provide consistent support and companionship.
Additionally
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, financial independence can be another reason for
happiness
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. To illustrate,
adults
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 are able to afford a dream vacation which can give them a sense of accomplishment and
happiness
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.
Therefore
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, the above-mentioned reasons clearly explain why
adults
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 are more content than
teenagers
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. In conclusion, In my opinion, though
adults
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 have a different sense of
happiness
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 where they have more emotional growth and personal success,
teenagers
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 are happier because of their carefree lives.

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task response
Ensure consistency in opinion. In the introduction, you mention you are in favor of the former viewpoint but later discuss both sides equally. Clarify your stance throughout.
task response
Provide more balanced arguments for both perspectives to enhance the depth of discussion.
task response
Include more examples to support each viewpoint, especially to highlight the happiness of adults.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas when transitioning from one perspective to another.
task response
The essay begins with a clear introduction and ends with a thoughtful conclusion, providing a comprehensive answer to the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph addresses specific points with relevant details, demonstrating good support for main ideas.
task response
Effective use of examples, such as those regarding the responsibilities of teenagers, supports the viewpoint well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Responsibilities
  • Freedom
  • Mood swings
  • Peer pressure
  • Financial stability
  • Life experience
  • Resources
  • Workplace stress
  • Family responsibilities
  • Financial burdens
  • Optimism
  • Naivety
  • Perceived happiness
  • Stability
  • Contentment
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