IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we do not need. Others argue that advertisements are informative and help us make better purchasing decisions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #advertisements #decisions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Advertising is the key part of the modern business. we have two views like
advertisements
Use synonyms
 make us more familiar
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
products
Use synonyms
 or
persuaded
Wrong verb form
persuade
show examples
 our thoughts to buy the things. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 advertisement should be regulated. Some
people
Use synonyms
are saying
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that
advertisements
Use synonyms
 manipulate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to buy the
products
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 the brand, and
covering
Wrong verb form
cover
show examples
 up the children with their creative ideas and kids can easily influenced by the images and put pressure on their parents to buy the things for them.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 focus
to sell
Change preposition
on selling
show examples
 a brand
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they are using glamourous and famous
people
Use synonyms
, We are encouraged to associate certain brands with a higher status.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Advertisements
Use synonyms
 help us to identify the choices and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
employes
Correct your spelling
employ
show examples
 many youngsters.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we are in
consumer
Correct article usage
a consumer
show examples
 culture to decide ourselves to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 about the
products
Use synonyms
, without
Use synonyms
advertisements
Add a comma
advertisements,
show examples
 we would have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 options. we can know current
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 through
this
Linking Words
 and make
ours
Correct the word
our
show examples
 status to
equipped
Wrong verb form
equip
show examples
 the recent scenario of the society.
Similarly
Linking Words
, we would have
know
Wrong verb form
known
show examples
abot
Correct your spelling
about
 the offers,
discounts
Correct word choice
and discounts
show examples
 of the
products
Use synonyms
 in the market.
According to
Linking Words
 me,
Advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
Advertisements
show examples
 should be regulated by the
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 for what to show and for what not to show.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 it has many advantages about
this
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 having disadvantages. In some countries, illegal
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are banned to show
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television.
Products
Use synonyms
 that can be a risk to health should display warnings. Advertisers should promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy content to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 wise decisions.
Submitted by deborah.nv2603 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Work on strengthening the logical flow of ideas in your essay. Ensure that each paragraph links smoothly to the next and that your points follow a clear progression.
Task Response
Consider introducing more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help to illustrate your points and make them more convincing.
Task Response
Refine your main ideas for clarity and depth. Ensure that your arguments are comprehensive, exploring different aspects of the topic.
Task Response
You have presented both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: