IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperates more thater than competing against each other. discuss boths these views and give your own opinion

#people #competition #work #school #life #thater #boths
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A person can have different types of thinking, they are being that think competition at work, school and in
life
Use synonyms
 gives them advantages, but not with
people
Use synonyms
 that reflect in being cooperative. There are two types of
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
life
Use synonyms
, some of them believe that being competitive is better than being cooperative. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with
fighting
Correct article usage
a fighting
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 spirit
attend
Verb problem
tend
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 to be more productive in their presence rather than others that do not. Because
this
Linking Words
 community will do anything to achieve what they want, they appear to be more hustled than the
people
Use synonyms
 with the thinking that we should try to cooperate more.
People
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are competitive are more disciplined and hardworking. I can say
this
Linking Words
 since I was raised in a family that wants me to have a goal in my
life
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 and I need to make it a reality. My dad always educates me to have a good habit for my future.
Although
Linking Words
 I was on the side of
people
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 with competitive thinking, that doesn't mean that the other community is a parasite in
life
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. It's because most of my friends have
this
Linking Words
 kind of thinking and it completes
mylife
Correct your spelling
my life
, they always help me with my struggle.
Conclusion
Correct article usage
The conclusion
show examples
 for my essay is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
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 actually doesn't matter what kind of person you are as long as you are not the type of person
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 will put others down for your own good and be selfish. but for me
personally
Add a comma
personally,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 prefer
with
Change preposition
apply
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the thinking that being
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 is a good thing.
Submitted by lydiaia on

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task achievement
Work on providing a clearer distinction between the viewpoints from the beginning. Your opening could benefit from clearly stating both perspectives on competition and cooperation.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph logically leads into the next to maintain a strong argument throughout your essay.
task achievement
You provided a personal example that adds depth to your argument about the benefits of competitiveness.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains an individualized voice and clearly stated perspective, making it engaging to read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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