It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Taking
risks
is crucial in our context of the 21st century where everything can be achieved by trying hard. There are more and more discussions about whether making risky decisions is positive or negative. From what I have experienced, I would agree that the pros outweigh the cons.
The first significant benefit of taking risks
is that it opens more opportunities for people. Dangers mean that you have both percentages of success and failure. For example
, a student has a chance to study abroad. He accepts it and learns in a new and strange environment. That creates many difficulties for him because he can’t suit immediately. Besides
, he will experience myriads of challenges such
as culture shock, language, etc. Although
these problems will make him feel sophisticated, it is undeniable that he could learn many new things, widen his knowledge and make international friends. Additionally
, making risky decisions would help you enhance plenty of soft skills, too. Risky changes will put you in some situations where you have to gain problem-solving skills in order to adapt to them excellently.
On the other hand
, risk-taking for some people could be pretty dangerous because it would lead them to some unpredictable conditions. Risks
, which relate to failure, are the reason for the lack of money. If you don’t have a fundamental salary, you might pay for your living. In that case, it will affect not to yourself but also
your relatives and friends around you.
In conclusion, I believe that the benefits surpass the drawbacks. While
there are some serious consequences due to
risks
, they could also
make individuals become better. Differences from staying in the same place all the time would not make people develop and might be left behind.Submitted by tonykim09 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear main idea and that these ideas are logically sequenced throughout the essay. At times, the linkage between the risks and the outcomes were not thoroughly explored, affecting the overall logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Always present a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. While your introduction and conclusion are present, they could be strengthened by offering a clearer thesis statement and a more decisive summary of your points.
coherence cohesion
To better support your main points, include more detailed examples and explain specifically how they support your argument. The provided examples lacked depth and specificity which left them feeling somewhat generic and less convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that you directly and fully address the prompt, giving equal attention to the advantages and disadvantages of risk-taking. While you've mostly done this, further depth and development in examining the disadvantages would provide a more balanced treatment of the topic.
task achievement
Strive to articulate your ideas clearly and comprehensively throughout the essay. There are instances where the reasoning could be refined for clarity and persuasiveness.
task achievement
Include precise and relevant examples to effectively illustrate your points. The essay sometimes generalizes rather than providing concrete and applicable instances that truly support the claim.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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