IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Having police officers patrolling the streets is often considered an essential way to to reduce crime. How effective do you think police street patrolling are?. What other ways to reduce crime can you purpose?

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It is an undeniable fact that reducing the crime rate is very popular. It is often argued by some folks that police officers patrolling is considered an essential way to lower the number of accidents.
Nevertheless
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, other groups deny
this
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 fact. In
this
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 essay, both views will be discussed.
However
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, I strongly believe that there is another way to improve the situation.
To begin
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 with, even though many officers stroll around the neighbourhood, they can not monitor every street at a real-time pace.
That is
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, criminals can look for more shady areas with no control from the authorities.
For example
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, in Brazil, the authorities perform a similar routine but the result is ineffective.
In addition
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, police can focus more on serious cases since they can't witness the crime
on
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from
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 first-hand experience. To reduce the misconduct rate, another alternative can be introduced.
Firstly
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, setting more CCTVs can help regulators monitor streets in real-time conditions.
For instance
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, in places with low crime rates like South Korea and China CCTVs are common in the streets.
Moreover
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, giving stricter punishment will make people reconsider their decision to cross the border, meaning they have to spend time in jail or pay a huge amount of money as their punishment. In
this
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 matter, it is essential to establish a strict system to prevent accidents by law. In conclusion, I believe patrolling is more like a symbolic action than an effective implementation of regulation to prevent criminal action.

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, you should ensure that every point raised in the response is elaborated with more depth. While you did mention specific examples, broadening these examples or connecting them more tightly to your argument will strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
To further enhance coherence, consider working on the transition between paragraphs. While the overall structure is clear, adding some phrases to smoothly connect ideas will enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay in a way that logically presents your argument and counters the opposing view, which is a strong component of a well-written essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the debate, setting a good stage for your discussion on the effectiveness of police street patrolling.
task achievement
The essay provides real-world examples, such as Brazil and South Korea, which add credibility to your argument and show that you have thought about global perspectives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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