IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.
#show #temperatures #months #three #cities #hours #sunshine #year
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The given charts illustrate the average
temperatures
Use synonyms
 and how many hours of sunshine in a year in three cities.
Overall
Linking Words
, in New
York
Use synonyms
 and London, the average
temperatures
Use synonyms
 reached the highest point.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the average
temperatures
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 hit a low. When it comes to how many hours of sunshine, hours of sunlight in New
York
Use synonyms
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 were more than 2400.
In other words
Linking Words
, the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 sunlight in London
were
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not surpass 2000,
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 just about 1100. To be more specific,
while
Linking Words
 the average
temperatures
Use synonyms
 in New
York
Use synonyms
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 had
upward
Add an article
an upward
show examples
 trend, the average
temperatures
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 had
downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
 trend between January and July.
In contrast
Linking Words
, from July to December,
line
Add an article
the line
show examples
 graph of
Sydney
Use synonyms
 ascended continually and the line graphs of London and New
York
Use synonyms
 descended.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 July,
temperatures
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 New
York
Use synonyms
 peaked at 30.
This
Linking Words
 meaning was the hottest weather
over
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the year.
In addition
Linking Words
,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 July,
temperatures
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Sydney
Use synonyms
 had the lowest.
However
Linking Words
, the average
temperatures
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 had the smallest gap compared to other countries.
Submitted by fdsajkloo on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperatures, york, sydney with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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