IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people join distance - learning program (study materials,post, TV, Internet) and study at home, but, some people think that it cannot bring the same benefits as attending colleges or universities does. Do you agree or disagree?

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While
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 some individuals prefer online learning
classes
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 (study materials, posts, TV, and internet) and just study at home, others believe that it does not give the same vibes as much as
offline
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classes
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 where
students
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 have to join colleges or universities in person. In
this
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 essay, I will highlight
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the benefits of choosing either online or
offline
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classes
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 and give my perspective
further
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.
Firstly
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, taking a distance learning program benefits
students
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 in terms of tuition fees.
This
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 is because the money needed to get a higher education is becoming more expensive these days.
For example
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,
students
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 in the UK normally have to pay around 30 thousand pounds for a regular programme, but the online programme only takes almost half of that.
This
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 proves that people now have the option to pursue higher education without worrying about the money.
Secondly
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, attending college or taking an
offline
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 course
also
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 gives a distinct experience.
Students
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 will have more access to networking with their classmates or lecturers.
While
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 online
classes
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 do not give them a chance to network with their friends,
offline
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classes
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 often give them group tasks that force them to finish them together.
For instance
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, the MBA programme is often attended by professional
students
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 who already have experience in the real world. It will give invaluable networking opportunities for
students
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 there.
To conclude
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, both
offline
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 and online study programs have distinct advantages for their
students
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, it depends on how they personally want to experience their learning time. I personally prefer
offline
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classes
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 because the networking offered by taking them will
be get
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get
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 nowhere.

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task achievement
To strengthen your argument, consider including more diverse examples or evidence for both online and offline learning. This will help balance your views and provide a richer discussion on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay follows a logical progression, consider adding clearer transitional phrases to guide the reader more smoothly between your points. This will enhance the overall flow of your writing.
task achievement
The essay provides specific examples, such as the cost difference in education between online and offline programs, which effectively illustrate the main points.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively included an introduction and a conclusion, laying out the topic at the beginning and summarizing your stance at the end.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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