Some people believe that success means earning a lot of money. Others believe that success is defined by personal happiness. DIscuss both these views and give your opinion.

It is popular opinion that define of successful people it's be a rich.
Whereas
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, another group of individuals think that real success it's personal happiness. I bilieve that second statement bear more truth for several key reasons. One of the major reason why happiness outweight cash is you can'
t
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buy love and other paramount things.
For instance
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, if you will be the first in Forbes list it doesn'
t
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mean that you will have wife that love you, kids, friends and other facilities that make your soul warmer, so you can be at peak but feel empty inside. By the way, Elon Musk, the richest people right now with around 450 billion of dollars, told: "I am the richest, but I am disappointment"
this
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witnessed my argument.
However
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, for some citizens all what they want can be purchased, but they are not right, because you can'
t
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buy the main thing - heath.
Thus
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, from a rational standpoint, it is impossible to get whatever you want, even with unlimited bank account.
On the other hand
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, you can really enhance quality of your life for some fees.
For example
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, you can improve your and your the nearest peoples(
such
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as: parents, friends and etc) well-being and give them opportunity for longer life.
Nevertheless
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, on the way to enormous salary you should lose time and as an outcome peoples who supported you, but you rejected them on honour of success. So, aftermath is you can be happy with moneys, but if you have with who shared
this
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. In conclusion, happines does not depend on moneys. I believe so beceause of: you can'
t
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buy a whole world.

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task response
Answer both sides more evenly. You write more about happiness and less about money.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the introduction and keep it the same to the end.
task response
Add one clear reason for why money can mean success for some people.
task response
Use examples that are simple and clearly linked to your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple way, like first, for example, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Make shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects clearly to the one before it.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to support your ideas with examples.
task response
Your position is mostly clear: you think happiness is more important than money.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial success
  • Personal happiness
  • Intrinsic measure
  • Contentment
  • Fulfillment
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Harmonious life
  • Career achievements
  • Social recognition
  • Subjective nature
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