IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others believe that there are other alternative solutions for reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion on this topic.

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Individuals believe that longer
jail
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 sentences can provide an excellent result to drop
crime
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 rates,
while
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 others argue that there are other alternative ways. I don't agree with the statement and believe that there are many varieties of methods to decrease unlawful behaviour.
This
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 essay will discuss the perspective of both points and the outlines of my opinion. The advantages of Prison sentences are that it scares criminals in order for them to understand the severity of the situation , and encourage them to follow the rules to avoid extensions for the
time
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 in prison.
This
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 leads
prisoners
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 to think their decisions will weigh their life in
jail
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.
For example
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,
prisoners
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 who intentionally cause trouble after they are detained will be charged more and increase the duration of their stay in
jail
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.
Verb problem
will be increased.
show examples
Furthermore
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,
prisoners
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 can become better people when living in
jail
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 for long periods of
time
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. There are therapists who support
prisoners
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 on their journey and convince them that changing into a normal person for society is beneficial when they are released from prison.
For instance
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, many prisons have a consulting department to help convicts transition into a new person.
On the other hand
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, extending the
time
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 of imprisonment for criminals is not the only way to stop
crime
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. Solely relying on one solution won't be effective all the
time
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 and may backfire in preventing
crime
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. There are several feasible ways of sustaining felony, as it can allow the police to figure out different ideas and implement them. Meanwhile, a small majority of
prisoners
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 can contribute to society. Community service is important as it opens the
prisoners
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' eyes to be mindful of the world and avoid committing crimes in the future.
This
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 increases the prisoner's tolerance and their outlook in open public spaces.
In addition
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,
prisoners
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 can work in a cell for money, which boosts their confidence and sense of elation, and they are motivated to behave well and treat others with respect. In conclusion, it is safer to have more than one plan to ensure that
crime
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 does not rise. I believe it is harsh to enforce punishment against
prisoners
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 , which can damage their mindset and lead them to commit more crimes than usual. It is better to focus on rehabilitation for
prisoners
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 rather than forcing strict sentences on them.
Moreover
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, if the government is adamant on decreasing unemployment and giving more job opportunities,
crime
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 will surely be less frequent.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Discuss both sides in a more even way. Give one or two strong ideas for each side.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and more exact, not too general.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each part, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple clear words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid lines that are hard to follow or repeat the same point in a new way.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear start, body parts, and an end.
task response
Most ideas stay on the topic of crime and ways to cut it.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • habitual offenders
  • retribution
  • rehabilitation
  • overcrowding
  • recidivism
  • community service
  • restorative justice
  • crime prevention programs
  • youth mentorship
  • neighborhood watch
  • justice system
  • re-offending
  • financial strain
What to do next:
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