IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

It is better for university students to live away from home during their university studies rather than staying with their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

1.0 / 9
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in
Capitalize the word
In
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 the contemporary era, studying
in
Change preposition
apply
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abroad is becoming more and more popular around the world. Every student has their own needs and expectations as well.
However
Linking Words
, two possibilities
are
Verb problem
apply
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occur in
this
Linking Words
 situation, one of them is
that staying nearby
Wrong verb form
to stay near
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 their families
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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other
Correct article usage
the other
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 option is completely
depends
Replace the word
dependent
 on their desires. My contention is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 enroll for foreign universities can led much more chances in students’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, and I ultimately agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in terms of education, overseas knowledge can be better for students' future careers.
For instance
Linking Words
, Independent students undergo running errands
do
Correct word choice
and do
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 daily house
choirs
Correct your spelling
chores
, prepearing own schedule without family
disturbance
Punctuation problem
disturbance,
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let them be
Verb problem
are
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 more productive,

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task response
Your main view is clear: you agree that living away from home can help students. However, the essay stops very early, so it does not fully answer the question. Add two full body parts and a short ending. Also explain why living with parents may be less helpful, or say why you still agree more with living away.
task response
Give clear reasons for each main point. For example, students living away may learn to plan time, cook, clean, and deal with money. Then explain how these skills can help at work and in adult life.
task response
The example about daily work at home is useful, but it needs more detail. Show a real result: a student who plans meals, travel, and study time may become more able to make good choices without help.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: opening with your view, first reason, second reason, then ending. At present, there is only the start of the first reason.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the topic the same. The question is about living away from parents, but your opening talks about studying in other countries. A student can live away from home in the same country, so focus on home and parents.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence complete and easy to follow. For example, change “two possibilities are occur” to “There are two choices.” Change “enroll for foreign universities can led” to “Going to a university away from home can give students more chances.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a clear way: “First,” “Also,” “For example,” “As a result,” and “In the end.” Do not add ideas that are not linked to the main point.
task response
You state your view in the opening, and this gives the reader a clear idea of your position.
task response
You choose a useful main idea: living away from family can help students become more able to do things on their own.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening and begins a first main paragraph with “Firstly,” which shows an attempt to organize ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The example about planning daily work and study time is linked to the main idea of being more independent.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • on campus
  • student accommodation
  • engage in social activities
  • budgeting
  • time management
  • financial burdens
  • emotional and mental support
  • stressful times
  • proximity
  • social interactions
  • diverse peer groups
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